9 Maelstrom: Impaled
by illmatar
Summary: This is the first scene I ever wrote. Sadly, that shows. I've done my best to refine it, it remains crude raw material. It is awkward, Sueish, and pathetic, but is now too much a part of later events to ax as it deserves. Advise appreciated!


**Maelstrom Chapter 19 Impaled: Part A**

**Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing. If you have not read the nine original Maelstrom Comics and the preceding text stories, I suggest you do. This scene contains strong language and graphic violence. The text is all posted here, but I obviously can't post comic books here. They can be found at **http// illmatar. deviantart. com/**I have put 2 spaces between each section of the link because eats the link if I post it properly.**

The conspirators waited in the control center of their orbiting shuttle. Tense, conflicting emotions swirled around the room, touching each occupant. They all knew with increasing certainty that if they failed a friend would die. Perceptor and his aide KC tinkered diligently with the communication terminal. All that was visible of Perceptor were his legs as he finished the last installations. KC would scurry out for something, then vanish completely within the terminal, only to reappear for something else. Her nattering mentor and the endless fetching of things he'd forgotten never dampened enthusiasm. The technology they were installing was to create a direct link with the Maelstrom's computers to allow them to communicate with the cloaked ship. It was an enormous mark of trust that the Autobots had been allowed this technology. If it fell into Jabez hands it end the Maelstrom and its crew. All they needed was to hand the Jabez the key to their invisibility. Elusiveness was their only advantage, their only hope. Still, they were as desperate to help their missing friend as the Autobots were to save Rodimus.

The hardest part had been keeping it a secret from the young Prime. He would have recognized the tech instantly. Jabez-based circuitry glittered with tiny crystals...but it merged with their own systems flawlessly. The next hardest part was sneaking Jazz, Perceptor, and Elita on board. Rodimus would expect Kup's presence as chief-of-security for a diplomatic mission, but he wouldn't see the need for the rest of the command staff. Quite the contrary. He had barely accepted Op's excuses for needing HIM along.

Optimus paced restlessly. Elita finally got up and placed a hand on his arm.

"Calm down Orion," she murmured. Using that name was her way of telling him to control himself.

"So much depends on this Elita," he replied. He was desperate for this to work - if it didn't, he didn't have another solution. Not even the Matrix had any wisdom for him on this one, although that wasn't a surprise. The crystal no longer housed all the leaders of the Autobot's long, complicated past. Nope. It was just him and Rodi in there...and the shades inside had no better ideas than the real things.

"I know," Elita soothed, "but this is supposed to be a boring diplomatic mission. Relax. If he picks up your mood, he'll get suspicious."

Optimus ground out frustration. "He is already. It wasn't easy to convince him this mission needed us both. I pushed it telling him we needed to keep up appearances. He only agreed because I insisted his diplomatic skills need practice." Op let himself fall into the command seat. The room reverberated.

Elita smiled. "Well, that's true enough."

Perceptor and KC interrupted by emerging triumphant from battle under the console. Perceptor threw switches with a flourish, but even he gaped over the results. As if out of nowhere, their scanners showed a ship about 3 times the size of their own moving in synchronous orbit with them. It had been there all along. Prime noted the vessel on the screen was different from when it first contacted them. The Maelstrom employed cloaking technology which allowed the crew to alter its appearance. Today it resembled an over-sized Autobot shuttle.

The elder Prime sent the complicated codes he'd been given to memorize and their scanners linked with Maelstrom's. Suddenly they had sensitivity and range unprecedented in Optimus' experience. Perceptor frothed with envy and excitement. Maelstrom's scanners had searched through the vast sea of biological life on the swampy planet below and found one tiny pattern it recognized. It relayed the information to the Autobots as it scanned a 200 yard area from orbit. There was a lot of mist, but the ship automatically compensated and gave them all a clearer view than if they'd actually been standing in the little clearing it was searching.

The fog obscured the region every morning. It would fade but Lancer liked it. She knew it would never hide her hut from a serious scan it still made her feel more secure. Given her general paranoia anything that gave her the slightest comfort was appreciated.

The hut was another example. Built around the trunk of a living tree - one of the largest in the region. The tree's thickly packed branches were cut off just above the roof. She felt guilty about that, but at least she had used them to help build her shelter. About 20 feet in diameter, her "house's" walls were made of branches and logs that she had split in half, sunk in the mud, and lashed with vines. The rough sides faced out which gave her a fairly even wall around the interior. Any gaps were packed with mud. The roof was made of a similar framework of lighter branches, layers of broad leaves and more mud. All the mud served to plug the holes but also encouraged vines and weeds to climb up the walls and snake across the roof. Her home was nearly invisible to the eye. The tree would shield her hut from a direct view from above and it was itself home to many local critters. She hoped all the other metabolisms would baffle a hasty search.

If nothing else, her last stay on Cybertron had taught her that the Jabez had cast information on her metabolism far and wide. She could make herself invisible to scanners when she was concentrating it wasn't something she could keep up full time. When she left Cybertron she'd left in a hurry. Certainly she'd never DREAMED Optimus would try to stop her. If asked in advance she would have expected Optimus to throw her off the planet by force after discovering her relationship with Rodi. Instead he tried to force her to stay. Moron.

Well, she counted on Rodi to keep his partner from following her. If any real hunters had her profile she'd be out of luck even though she went to great lengths to keep her energy levels down. Maelstrom had her patterns, but her friends had a whole universe to search, as long as no one remembered the time she and Malice had come here in search of those specimens for Jordan's medical kit... They probably never even looked for her. They would assume the teleport accident had killed her like it should have. It was also likely that Goldbug died before he could tell them he was an Autobot so there was no reason to think they would check on Cybertron. Still, she nurtured a faint hope that Goldbug lived.

The planet's swampy, steamy ecology made it inhospitable for colonization. It had few resources that couldn't be more easily obtained elsewhere - unless you wanted mud. It had plenty of mud. It was far off the trade routes and had no intelligent natives, unless you counted 2 foot-long bugs as intelligent. In other words, the nasty place was perfect for a woman trying to become invisible.

She had left Cybertron through a jump gate, cut the engines to drift in dead space to collect herself and plan a course to get her to the installation where Rodi was tortured, and...and realized it had been two months since she'd had a period. Impossible. Absolutely impossible. She'd been told time and again her high-voltage body was as barren as a star - all she would ever produce was destruction. And yet... She had let the "Lazy Sue" drift until she was sure. It wasn't long before she could actually SEE a separate set of nerve impulses growing in her womb. Then she'd let the ship drift some more while she agonized. She'd thought about Rodimus, the link, and the potential danger. In the end she couldn't do it. She couldn't end that tiny, glowing spark of life within her. If nothing else, she rationalized it might be her only chance to make something...good. So she'd checked the charts, made a decision, and went to ground.

She was proud of her "house". It hadn't been easy since she was afraid to use energy. She'd done it all by hand, although lasering the wood would have been faster. It would also have been like putting up signs reading "LANCER IS HERE!"

The mutant came out of her little shelter and yawned. A glance at the fire-pit on the right side of the clearing showed her today's portion of slow-roasted lizard was cooking according to schedule. She began morning chores by chopping wood for the evening's fire-pit to cook tomorrow's portion of slow-roasted lizard. Later she would go hunting for the day-after-tomorrow's portion of slow-roasted lizard. She grimaced as she picked up the ax she'd fashioned out of part's of her stolen ship. (The "Lazy Sue" was now being lazy at the bottom of a sand-pit, except for the few pieces of it which had gone into making Lancer's tools.) Slow-roasted lizard was the best thing on the menu in this swamp other than fruit. If you really had a good imagination, it tasted like chicken. Spoiled diseased chicken. She sighed, annoyed at how tired she was.

"HAHAHA! That's our girl, all right! 'Lizzy Borden took an ax, and gave her mother forty whacks!'"

"Talon, you're weird."

Optimus shook his head as he listened to the celebration taking place on the Maelstrom. The link between their vessels showed the enormous domed control center and its mismatched crew, as well as the visuals of Lancer hacking away at a stack of green logs. They were obviously happy to find Lancer after almost two years. Prime understood their relief and hoped it wasn't premature. Nevertheless, joy didn't hamper their powers of observation.

"She looks tired." This from Claudia, the empathic avian alien. It was true. Lancer did look tired or perhaps even ill. Despite the physical strength she was exhibiting, there was an air of exhaustion about her. Optimus noticed worried looks exchanged among her friends.

"The girl is lookin' a might scrawny. Must be on fuckin' Weight Watchers with Malice. And the circles 'round her eyes look like someone's been knockin' her around," Talon grumbled. He and Pagan both threw the Autobots unfriendly glares. Optimus felt faint surprise. He knew some of the Autobots blamed Lancer for Rodi's condition. Apparently Lancer's friends returned the sentiment.

Optimus exchanged glances with his mate. The symptoms of extreme fatigue might be different for an Autobot but Rodimus was trying to hide them all. Re-energizing should have alleviated them but it never really did.

Robert, a nondescript human (until you learned he ran the Maelstrom's technology), caught Prime's attention by turning his one good eye on Claudia. "Claudia? Why is she fanging?" Lancer was "fanging" as her friends put it. She had gone from carefully splitting her logs to severing them with single, enraged blows.

Claudia shut her strange, multicolored eyes, and looked distant. "Not specifically," she said vaguely. "I sense frustration. She does not realized she is fanging. Odd. She is always so careful."

Pagan hissed something in her own dialect. Optimus wasn't familiar with Drazi as a species - very few outside their own kind were. Still, he was fairly certain that the flared fins and scale rattling indicated irritation.

About to take her inexplicable anger out on another innocent piece of wood, Lancer heard herself growl and suddenly realized what was happening. She dropped the ax as though it burned her, and fought to control the change. It was difficult. She had a hard time calming down since she didn't know what the anger was for. The suspicion that SHE wasn't the one who was angry crossed her mind, but she immediately assassinated that idea. She stood there, eyes screwed shut, fists clenched, and body rigid until the spell passed.

"I'm really losing it at last," she said in a defeated tone.

"She's still convinced it is inevitable," Claudia mused, her eyes still half closed.

Jordan startled his friends by answering. He usually shied away from emotional issues since he hated to be reminded of his lost empathy. "Wounds such as hers may take a lifetime to heal, but her current course of action will deny her that lifetime." The rest of the crew exchanged glances again. If anyone would know...

Lancer bent over for her ax, when she suddenly looked towards the hut. Leaving the tool on the ground she hurried inside. Moments later, she emerged carrying the answer to all their theories about why she lived... proving every one of them wrong.

"Good morning, Edana," she said to a squirming, red-headed baby she carried into the hazy morning sun. Edana's pale eyes squinted in the light. She smiled at her mother.

Kup froze. Perceptor stammered something unintelligible. Jazz's jaw fell open and stayed that way. Elita smiled. Talon shouted, "FUCKING-A! A KID!" Then there was a long silence. Everyone considered the father, and the consequences.

Optimus leaned back and Elita gripped his shoulders. The implications crowded his mind and traffic jammed his thoughts. He couldn't get a thought started before dozens of others tried to force their way to the surface. It was Lancer who finally freed him by smiling down at her daughter, and playing with her fingers. The infant smiled toothlessly. It was Rodi's smile. The cacophony of worries in Optimus' mind suddenly silenced and were replaced by confused happiness.

"New life," he whispered to Elita, his voice betraying joy and amazement. Elita smiled. Op wouldn't consider the multitude of problems this presented as hardship; and that was part of why she loved him. No one noticed Kup's face twist with rage as the bridges of both ships erupted into chaos. "Now what are we going to do about Rodimus?" Optimus wondered aloud. Rodimus solved his partner's dilemma by barging in on them.

It was Blitzwing's assignment to keep Rodi off the bridge. Optimus risked a great deal trusting the reformed Decepticon and Blitzwing knew it. The information Op gave him about Rodi's torture and training would have been devastating if Blitzwing betrayed them. However, Blitzwing was the one robot Rodimus wouldn't suspect and his recent torture at Quintisson tentacles provided a handy excuse for a long, private conversation. Rodi was Blitzwing's "savior" and Blitz's loyalty to him was pathetic. In the face of Rodi's worsening condition the ex-Con was eager to help. All things considered Blitz didn't do badly. When they'd neared Lancer's suspected hideaway he'd asked Rodimus if he had time to talk. They were still two days from where he thought they were going, so Rodimus readily agreed.

Awkwardly, Blitzwing unburdened himself while Rodi listened. Blitzwing knew better than to lie to the young Prime who often knew what Blitz was feeling before Blitz did. Still, at first Blitzwing talked just to keep Rodi busy. As he went on though, he found himself speaking more from the heart. It was a relief to share his pain with someone who wasn't looking for weakness. Rodi's support and advice left him feeling stronger. It gave Blitzwing a unique insight into his past and the unavoidable collapse of the Decepticons. Even if the Autobots never challenged them the 'Cons would eventually erode themselves from within, but they made such a mess in the mean time that the 'Bots felt the need to hasten them along.

Blitz kept Rodimus occupied for almost four hours with all the hopes, fears, and pain of a suppressed lifetime. He noticed the young commander struggling to hide his anger when Blitz told him about the Quints VR mazes, and the trauma they put him through. (Rodimus spent a moment fantasizing about splitting Quints apart with an ax.) Blitz was grateful. Some part of him wondered if Optimus hadn't staged this distraction for HIS benefit as well as Rodi's. Probably. Sneaky bastard. It wasn't until a long silence between them that Rodimus noticed the engines had powered down to idle. Nothing Blitzwing could say would discourage the young commander from investigating. He rushed up to the bridge.

Planetside, Lancer gave a strangled gasp which ended in a growl. She shuddered and set Edana down with exaggerated care. Edana howled. The razor-like nails were gingerly maneuvered away from the baby's skin as Lancer put her in the rough-hewn, fur lined cradle by the door. Lancer turned away from her home with a snarl that ended in a desperate wail. She didn't understand what was happening and she was terrified. She took a single, stumbling step and then launched herself away from her baby. Twenty feet into the clearing she landed, crashing on her side and shrieking incoherently. She had just enough presence of mind to force the power down as her rage erupted in a blinding flash of wild energy.

The power surge buried the needles on the Autobots' ship and left a steaming crater in the swampy land. Debris fell back to earth for a moment or two. On the ships there was once again stunned silence. Further out in the system another ship altered course. One minute passed. Then two.

Finally Lancer's naked, trembling body crawled out of the crater which was already filling with ground water. She collapsed in the mud beside the steaming pit and curled up into a ball with her tail wrapped tightly around herself.

On the shuttle, Rodimus turned away from the screen and for an instant his face crumpled with grief and rage. Then he turned on Optimus with eyes that could have frozen magma.

"You just couldn't leave it alone, could you?" There was more accusation in that soft voice than Optimus dreamed possible. Rodi's face might as well have been stone for all the emotion it showed. "We are leaving. Now. I'll deal with you when we are home." He made it sound like a death sentence.

Lancer bit her tongue to keep from snarling and to give herself a piece of reality to focus on. The blood ran out of her mouth onto the warm ground by the pit. She knew she needed to get up but it hurt.

He hurt. Hurt in places he didn't have. Tasted blood that wasn't there to taste. He couldn't ever remember being so furious outside of the torture chamber but he knew he had to get control. Damn them all.

"I've got to get control! I've got to!" Lancer whispered. She heard her daughter's terrified wails but didn't dare approach until she knew there would be no more explosions. She buried her hands in the mud and her body went rigid with the strain. Painfully, the visible aspects of her demon faded. Lancer tottered to her feet. She had the oddest moment of disorientation where she seemed to be looking at herself from above. She stumbled. Then Edana's cries cut through her daze. She sobbed once as she ran to see if her child was hurt.

Lifting the baby gingerly Lancer studied her from head to toe, somehow unable to believe there wasn't a mark on her. When she trusted Edana was fine she sank to her knees, cradling the infant and rocking her miserably. Edana calmed down and Lancer finally relinquished her long enough to go inside to find something to wear. She brought a skin rag back out with her to clean off the mud she'd smeared on her daughter.

It took Lancer's thorough examination for Rodimus to really notice his offspring. He sat down hard and fast. He just forgot to look for a chair first. From the floor he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. The baby's chubby arms flailed around a head of wispy, deep red hair, highlighted with copper. The color was familiar enough. When she opened her swollen eyes he jumped a bit - Rodimus didn't claim to be an expert on human children but he'd never seen eyes like that before.

"Is she blind?" he heard KC ask out loud in surprise before starting guiltily.

Edana's eyes were pale, pale blue...almost white...and the pupils weren't much darker.

Moments later, after finding a seat more successfully the second time around, it was Rodi's turn to sit in dazed amazement while his partner yelled accusations.

"Are you warning her?! Are you?!" Optimus was indignant with righteous wrath.

"Not consciously! But I won't deny I want her to escape! We have no right to be here! You have no right to do this to her! Any of you!" Rodimus glared at Lancer's so-called friends. "Who are you to decide what happens to her?! To us?! What gives you the right to hunt her down?"

"Rodimus that baby is your child! We can't just leave them here!"

"We can and we are! I was never supposed to know about...now it's going to be that much harder...you can't imagine how much this hu...we're leaving! Now!"

"We're leaving Now!" Lancer said to her daughter.

She was packing fast. While the voice was obviously different and she wasn't shouting the repetition of tone and inflection was eerie. Claudia and Jordan began an excited discussion in their own tonal language, and Pagan gave a loud, disgusted TK. The look she threw Rodimus might have bothered him if he wasn't so distraught over other things. The obvious affect his emotions were having on Lancer terrified him. Their link was not diminished by their efforts to destroy it - they had just pushed it deep into subconscious levels where it was harder to control.

"That blast may lead Slavers right to us! Fuck it! I just sent invitations with directions and 'Come And Get Me!' in shiny letters!" Lancer stomped around grabbing things and muttering to herself. "I don't know what's the matter with me...must be losing my mind...or maybe it was Ro...no...it's just me..."

Rodimus tore his optics away, only to meet Elita's ironic, compassionate gaze. "Are you still convinced nothing's wrong?" she asked. Rodimus merely scowled and turned away. Unfortunately he found himself pinned by over a dozen sets of eyes or optics from two ships. There was nowhere to turn for escape. Even KC was staring at him and she seemed amused, as though this was one of those silly soap-operas she watched with Jazz. In the mean time he had bigger worries. "Optimus, I promised I wouldn't interfere with her. I swore to her I'd leave her alone. This is what she wants! It's her life! What do you want me to do? Invade her mind like the demon did? Force myself into her life and insist she obey me as if she were a Convert with no will of her own? I won't do that! I love her too much to betray her! We have to go!" Optimus stared at him. "Please", Rodimus whispered.

"We can't," Optimus finally said, "Malice is down there."

It just wasn't her day, Malice decided. Not that she could remember that last time it had been. She trudged through the obnoxious swamps on this armpit of a planet and just loved every second of it. The last time they'd been here, she'd thought it was the nastiest swamp anywhere in the galaxy. Now that she was older and more experienced, her opinion changed not at all. Best of all, Pagan's teleport dropped her off almost ten miles from where she needed to be - something about the lines not being favorable, whatever that meant. Even so, a ten mile slog was better than using the bloody mech.

Technically, a telekinetic of her rank shouldn't have trouble with trivial matters like flora, fauna, and mud. A nice personal shield and a little levitation and you just floated through all the muck without soiling your person. In her current state however she was too tired to keep up a shield for long, let alone levitate. She walked, got nice and dirty, and reserved her powers for pushing through vegetation too dense for her frail limbs. This little excursion wouldn't help her strength unless Lancer's safe return gave her one less thing to worry about. Between Shellshock and her ailing son Malice had precious little time for things like eating, sleeping, and hunting AWOL friends. In short, Malice was tired, filthy, and in an exceedingly bad mood. Another who-knows-what flew into her face. Even Talon would have been proud of the curses she uttered. All this for a friend who wasn't likely to appreciate it. She kept trudging.

In the mean-time, Lancer prepared to leave the planet. It meant using the mech but she didn't have a choice. Scuttling the ship and sinking it had been the only way conceal it. Her last act before leaving would be a complete obliteration of any sign that she'd been there at all. Well, except maybe for that nice new crater in the middle of her "yard". Lancer scowled at it, willing it to have never happened and thus make this whole move unnecessary. It steamed at her.

She shrugged, if would fill up with ground water in a few hours and be just another puddle in the swamp. Sighing, she inspected the rest of the area until she was certain there was no other trace, and prepared to destroy her home. She was just getting ready to take it down when she heard a familiar voice cursing from the woods. Her eyes widened in shock. Uncertain whether she could trust her ears or if she was dealing with a "living" friend or not - Lancer hesitated. Then she grabbed the baby, crib and all, and vanished into the swamp in the opposite direction. She reappeared briefly, sans baby, and headed towards the voice this time. As she reached the edge of the clearing, she leapt into the branches. Her taloned hands and feet let her climb like a cat, and she vanished soundlessly once again.

Malice had decided on the direct approach long before she reached Lancer's pitted clearing. She looked around, raised her eyebrows at the crater, and frowned when she didn't see anyone. Knowing better than to play hide and seek with Lancer, she simply started yelling.

"Lancer? LANCER! It's Malice! I know you're here so stop playing games! Lanc-urrphff!" Malice gasped as the impact of her friend's weight hit her from above. Oh, typical , she thought testily as she suffered herself to be thoroughly searched at the base of the skull. Why someone who could scan brains for electronics always felt the need to feel people up was beyond Malice's understanding. When she'd had enough manhandling, she mentally grabbed the horned figure and threw her across the clearing. Maybe she was only five foot even and 89 pounds, but that didn't mean she had to put up with any crap. Lancer landed on her feet.

"Hi Lancer. That was charming. Nice to see you too." Malice said irritably. (The friends watching from orbit exchanged hopeful looks. Three minutes with her best friend, and Malice was already showing more spine than she had in months.)

"I had to be sure it was really you. You know that," Lancer said. Her eyes glowed as she looked Malice up and down. "You, are a mess." Malice rolled her eyes but it was true. The telekinetic was thirty pounds underweight. Her muddy clothes swam on her body. She was pale, her eyes bloodshot, and the circles under them showed starkly on her wan face.

"Is this a new look for you or what?" Lancer asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, it is. Like it?"

"I suppose if the walking dead look is in this year..."

Malice scowled at Lancer's sarcasm. "It is, but apparently isn't as popular as the Queen-of-the-Jungle look. I could never keep up with fashion trends."

Lancer opted for silence. She still seemed wary and defensive to Malice. They stood sizing

each other up, somehow more uneasy because they had once been so close.

"Are you coming back to Maelstrom with me?" Malice finally asked.

"I can't."

"Why?"

After a long, sullen pause as Lancer glared at her. "I have my reasons."

"Sure you do. They wouldn't have anything to do with a certain Autobot, now would they? I've already been to Cybertron you see. Rodimus is sick, and you don't look so hot either. I don't claim to understand what's going on, but this isn't the answer."

Lancer paled and her eyes lit briefly.

On the Autobot's shuttle Rodimus threw his partner a nasty look. "Who told her I'm sick? We're... I'm not sick!"

"Rodimus, are you blind? You won't acknowledge your own illness, but can you deny it in her? Will you look at her? Really look at her and tell me there's nothing wrong!" Optimus commanded.

Rodimus refrained from snapping, and defiantly did as Op asked, fully expecting to be able to defend his position. He studied Lancer's face and drew back in shock. He had done everything he could to block that face from his memory for nearly a year but... She was thin...even gaunt. The Lancer he remembered had no fat to spare, but you couldn't call her thin. She was too muscular, too solid...but now... There were lines on her face he didn't remember, and even when dragging him day after day through desert dunes and craggy scrub he'd never seen her look so tired.

"Well...?" Optimus' voice was just a little too insistent for Rodi's liking. He didn't answer but felt the first stirring of doubt, even as he struggled to prop up the faltering shield. Optimus accepted his silence with a triumphant snort. The Maelstrom crew watched this exchange with interest.

"You don't understand," Lancer said listlessly. The damned shield was sure being demanding today.

"I just said that," Malice retorted, "but I've got all day!"

Lancer said nothing, but walked towards the back of the hut. About two hundred yards behind her crude little home there was a large, hollowed out tree with a tight sealing piece of its own bark covering a three foot hole. Lancer carefully pushed out the "door" and removed her whimpering daughter. Reaching under the cradle, Lancer removed her mechanical teleporter and shut down the timer. If Lancer had been killed it would have gone off before the baby's air ran out. Lancer didn't like risking her daughter to the mech - it was dangerous enough for adults - but at least it gave the baby a chance. The coordinates had been set for Cybertron. The baby would have landed in the space port just outside of Central in the restrooms. Lots of babies were found abandoned there. No one would ever have known where the child came from, but Lancer knew the mutant orphanages on Cybertron were better run than most on Earth, and she knew Rodimus would already have the place wired with scanners for slavers. The plan had been to put Edana under her father's protection without his knowledge. It was the best Lancer could come up with.

Edana calmed down as her mother cradled her but she stared at Malice with her strange, pale eyes. Malice was the only human the infant had seen other than Lancer in all her short life.

Malice stared back at the baby, and said sourly, "Figures."

"Lancer was afraid she'd never see her again," Rodimus whispered.

On the Maelstrom, the others looked questioningly at Claudia, who was already showing signs of strain. She closed her eyes briefly again and nodded. Rodimus was right.

Part of Rodi's mind kept saying he needed to get out of here, that he was spying on what he had no business seeing. He was pouring absurd amounts of energy into the barrier and was glad he'd recharged that morning. He'd have to recharge again later today. Get up, his mind told him, leave the room at least. He didn't move.

Elita knelt beside him and rested her hands on his arm, and he finally tore his eyes away from the screen long enough to look at her.

"You can't leave her here like this, she's in the same state you are," Elita said gently.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rodimus snapped.

Optimus threw up his hands, and Jazz said, "Man, you are the most stubborn piece of work..."

Perceptor studied him as if he were an interesting new specimen, and KC openly gaped.

"She's safer on her own!" Rodimus' voice increased. Damn. He was starting to sound desperate. He shut his optics. "There's nothing I can do. Do you think I didn't try to change her mind before she left in the first place? I never wanted this!"

"Malice? What about Goldbug? Is he...?" Lancer looked imploringly at her friend, afraid of the answer, but needing to know.

"He's alive," Malice said grimly. "If you come back with me, you can meet him. Lancer, you'll be better off with us to watch your back. This one," she said, leaning close to the baby and playing with her tiny hand, "makes it that much more important."

Rodimus watched Malice touching his daughter and was suddenly jealous.

"NO!" Lancer snarled, jerking her body away from Malice. Edana whimpered. "What's imperative is that I get out of here and back into hiding!" Malice just regarded her coolly and all of Lancer's fears erupted at her friend. "Do you realize what the Jabez would do to get to her if they knew about her?! Considering one of her parents is one of their favorite projects, and the other is one of their favorite targets, I think the Jabez might have some interest, don't you?!" Lancer sneered. "You could almost call the Jabez her grandparents, couldn't you?!" Lancer's eyes rekindled and small arcs of power rippled through her hair.

This time it was Rodimus who got overwhelmed. He gasped and his hands clenched the arms of his seat. The torrent of images which flooded his mind were his memories, but they were being forced up by Lancer's fear. Fear which suddenly, violently, became his as well. That tiny, distant life must never fall into the spidery hands of their enemies.

"Quit telling me what to do! I've had months to review my options," Lancer growled.

Malice put one hand on her boney hip and cut off the rest of Lancer's tirade with a broad sweep of her other spindly arm. "Are you done yet?" she shouted, getting surprisingly good volume out of her tiny body. "Do you think I'm stupid or something? I'm a mother too, remember? Do you think I haven't thought of that? After what happened to Kendall, how could I ever forget? For all I know, that's why Evan isn't growing normally. I worry about it all the time. Your kid isn't any more of a target than mine! At least when Kendall was Converted and Evan was kidnaped, I had friends to help me get him back!" Malice paused, and when Lancer said nothing, she went on more calmly. "Lancer, your past makes it impossible to avoid the Jabez; your own body will betray you! Alone you're making their job easy...besides, what about her? Don't you think she needs a real home? What kind of life will she have running? What are you going to tell her about her father? Lies? Tell her he's dead? Are you just going to cut him out of her life? What about Rodimus? Don't you think he deserves a chance to know her?"

Lancer seemed to wilt somewhat under this barrage, but she shook her head. "Yes. I think he deserves to know her, but he deserved many things I couldn't give him. I can't go back. I'm not strong enough. When the demon finally takes me I don't want him with me."

Rodimus shuddered and hid his face in his hands.

Malice reacted somewhat differently as did their listening friends on the Maelstrom.

"Same old song," said Robert with a worn out sigh. They hadn't seen Lancer in nearly two years but were sick of this already. No one even needed to consult Claudia's empathy. Lancer had been trapped in this viewpoint since her possession. She refused to accept evidence to the contrary, even Kain's telepathic scans and Claudia's empathic therapy.

"That's crap!" Malice snapped. "Even if it's true it's not going to get your minds apart. It's too late! You've got the baby; you've got the mind link. Instead of bothering each other from a distance, you can bother each other up close and work things out!"

Lancer lowered her head. Rodimus threw up as many mental shields as he could.

"Uh-oh," said Talon.

"Work things out?" Lancer murmured, her voice deepening and reverberating. "Just like that, eh?" she went on, snapping her fingers in Malice's face. She fanged. "What's this? A hangnail?" Malice merely rolled her eyes and cocked a sarcastic eyebrow. Lancer pretended not to notice. "This isn't something you work out! It isn't going to go away! You can't seriously think I'm good for him! Even if I don't somehow corrupt him, I'm still human! I've got maybe what, four decades left in me if I don't bite it in a fight first? Damn it! The baby will die of old age while he's still a young Autobot! Malice, I think it's more cruel to him if he knows he has a child! He'll hang his heart on her - and he'll get to watch her grow old and die. It won't work! He's practically immortal! Not to mention how strong our link still is after all this time trying to break it! What will happened to him when I die? It's not worth it!"

"it was to me..." Rodimus whispered, although only Elita, still kneeling by his side, heard him. She knew what it was to love someone and have them out of reach. She took his hand and squeezed it. He didn't look at her but his hand tightened over hers.

Malice gave her friend a long, searching stare. "So this is your answer? Running away?" Malice's voice was flat and tired. This day had seen a lot more exertion than she was used to.

"What choice do I have?" Lancer retorted. "I'm holding on to my sanity by my fingernails! All the time I've spent fighting for control, and just part of Rodi's anger this morning blew up my yard! I completely lost it! After what the Jabez did to him he doesn't need me to help him over the edge - he's teetering there already." Lancer froze. How did she suddenly know where that anger had come from?

"Lancer, it's too late! You're linked! Deal with it together - this separation isn't working!"

"What's good for us isn't as important as what's good for the Autobots. I wouldn't change that if I could. They are the only reason we came back at all. I think we were both actually happy for a while there...I won't do it."

Malice sniffed in disgust. "You know, I think you are so used to doing things the hard way that when the solution is actually easy or pleasant you think it's invalid!"

Lancer closed her eyes and turned away from her friend. Her face crumpled with grief and pain. "You don't understand. The Jabez broke Rodimus. They kept after Goldbug until Rodi's sanity couldn't take it any more. He just went mad - I don't think anyone realizes what he'd be capable of. With what I taught him, if he ever decides to abuse his position...it gives me chills thinking about it."

On the shuttle, Jazz locked optics with Rodimus, but said nothing.

Malice shook her head. "Fighting this link may be what tips him over the edge. Optimus is concerned about his stability. He told me that personally even though he doesn't trust us completely. That should tell you something." Malice knew the Autobots were listening in, but she didn't realize Rodimus had crashed the party.

Rodimus threw his partner an accusatory stare which Optimus met unashamed. It was true. He was worried and he felt his worries were justified. Rodimus didn't have to like it.

Malice continued, "So, you may as well risk it and enjoy the pleasure of Rodimus' company."

Lancer scowled and started with, "That's the lamest excuse of an..." her voice trailed off. Malice stared, annoyed, at her friend, and waited for the rest of whatever Lancer was about to say. As the moment wore on, however, she realized Lancer was not only silent, but completely still. Her eyes were fixed at Malice, but they weren't seeing anything or blinking. Malice rushed over and tried to get her attention. Shaking Lancer didn't work but it wasn't until Malice gave her a hard smack on the face with no results that Malice began to panic. She forced Lancer's stiff legs to bend with her telekinesis and got Lancer to sit. Malice fumbled for Lancer's pulse and after found it weak and very slow. Malice counted at least 20 seconds between each of Lancer's lazy, shallow breaths. For nearly five minutes Malice watched as Lancer's face lost color and her lips turned slowly blue. Just when Malice was about to try something more drastic and those in orbit were getting ready to rush down to the surface, Lancer snapped out of it.

"...argument I've ever heard!" Lancer snarled, and then blinked in surprise to find she was sitting. She frowned, then shrugged. "What!? What are you staring at?!"

"You...You..." Malice stammered, and then felt her anger erase her fatigue. "You nearly died! This is insane! You can't keep this up!"

"Oh come on Malice, now you're getting sad. Lying isn't going to convince me!"

Whatever frayed remnants of patience Malice possessed were obliterated by that remark. "LYING?! I didn't come here to lie! I look like shit, I feel like shit, and you are treating me like shit! I'm not lying! I've seen this before with Rodimus! The Autobots think he's dying. He shuts completely off, loses every ounce of color, and then refuses to believe it's happening! They are frantic! You have got to stop before you both just shut off! This isn't healthy"

"You, the walking skeleton, are telling me what's healthy? Have you looked at yourself recently Dr. Malice?"

"SHUT UP!" Malice shrieked with the whole force of her tiny form and her hands clenched. Lancer's hut and the surrounding area began quaking. Edana wailed like a siren.

Rodimus was on his feet, although he didn't remember standing. When Lancer stopped breathing, he'd been ready to throw all his promises aside to get to her. He was still frightened. Every pair of optics and eyes on two bridges were fixed on him. Was it his imagination or did some of them look just a little smug? He shuddered.

"Is...is t.that ..um..is that what's been happening to me?" he asked timidly. The Autobots looked at each other then at him again.

"YES!" Rodimus flinched as they shouted at him in unison.

"Does it really...er...last that long?"

"YES!" Again in unison.

"oh," Rodimus said, sinking into his seat. He stared, stunned, into space. Malice and Lancer continued to shout ever nastier insults at each other. Rodimus was aware of Lancer's pain as she fought desperately against her best friend and her own desires.

The greater part of his mind was reeling with the now undeniable fact of his own exhaustion. He surveyed the damaged barrier between their minds and took stock of what it would take to bolster it. The cost was too high. He left it alone. He blinked as Elita took his hand again.

"We really are killing ourselves, aren't we?" Rodimus asked his worried partner.

"Yes, I think you are. Right or wrong you are a part of each other now. You can't keep pouring your lives into a fruitless division. Please, Rodi," Optimus whispered, "we need you to live."

"I can't break my promise not to invade her," Rodimus mumbled, "but I won't do anything more than hold the wall."

Optimus laid a hand on his shoulder. "I know how hard this has been for you. Do what you can. Maybe it will be enough." They turned again to watch Malice and Lancer continue their verbal warfare. Lancer tail was lashing, and Malice's runaway telekinetics rocked the region.

"Something's gotta give," Rodi whispered.

"Maybe it already has," Optimus thought, with the first hope he'd felt in a long time.

"Stop shaking my place! You're scaring my kid," Lancer snapped at Malice, frustrated. The little telekinetic flushed and didn't answer. Malice was startled to find she could still move objects of that weight. The exhaustion hadn't dampened her powers as much as weakened her control. Too tired to come up with an excuse, Malice didn't apologize but went on with a losing battle. Whatever points Malice made, especially the valid ones, were being dismissed out of hand. She was trying to use logic to argue an emotional conviction and she couldn't find a way past Lancer's stubborn fear.

"You won't be much good to your kid if you die and he won't be a real big help to the Autobots either."

"You're exaggerating."

"No! I'm not! And you can't afford to take that chance!"

Lancer's taloned hands clenched in fury. She took comfort in rising rage that could save her, even as resolve abandoned her. Malice wasn't raising new arguments. Lancer had been over them all on long wakeful nights alone. Hearing them from the lips of a friend she loved gave them a new validity she wasn't prepared for. She pushed her talons through the skin and muscle of her left palm, letting the pain activate her last line of defense. Blood seeped between her fingers.

Claudia rushed to leave the bridge and seek refuge in her heavily shielded quarters. Rodimus shuddered again, and stared down at his own clenched fist. It took an effort of will to release it. He forced it open.

Lancer's hand shot open - splattering blood. Too shocked by the rebellion in her limbs to protest, she allowed Malice to staunch the punctures while Lancer took stock of her mind. Rodimus was still holding the wall but she sensed a change. It frightened her. When she refocused on the outside world, Malice was in full swing.

"...does it! You are going back and we are going to straighten this out! You are messing up yourselves AND each other!"

Lancer lost the very last shred of her control. She shoved Malice away from her forcefully as her full demonic features manifested. The underweight telekinetic barely managed to keep from falling. "THIS AIN'T NO FUCKING FAIRY TALE MALICE!" Lancer's roar was so distorted she was barely understandable. "You and Optimus can go on preaching until you die, but don't expect me to buy it!" Lancer simpered, "'Work it out! Stay together! Blah blah BLAH!' LOOK AT ME! I won't condemn him to this! Leaving was the best thing I could do! I love him! I had my time with him but it's over and it's more than I deserved!" Lancer paused, panted, and curled her lip defiantly as she awaited an answering assault.

Malice had none to launch. She was defeated, deflated. Lancer suddenly stopped seeing her as an adversary and saw her withered, grief haunted friend instead. Malice's eyes gleamed with unshed tears.

"You idiot," Malice finally whispered. "I had what you are denying. You may think it was a fairy tale, but it sure didn't have a happy ending. Kendall would have given anything to see his child grow up, just as I would have given anything to save him. I couldn't. Yet here you are. Rodimus is alive, but you're going to throw it all away. You won't even let him know that you're all right, or even that he's a father. Everyday you stay apart, you deprive him of part of her life. I don't care anymore. Do what you want. Call me when you've made up your mind." Malice turned and headed straight for the swamp. Lancer stared after her as she retreated.

Lancer leaned on her rough-hewn home - pale, shaken, and tired. Once the shouting stopped, Edana relaxed, and Lancer felt calm enough to pick up her daughter to comfort her. Finally, she set the baby on the grass and watched her crawl around. Edana was already trying to stand. She gave it a few goes but her legs weren't quite ready to cooperate. She plopped down on her rump. Lancer scooped her up before she could make up her mind to cry.

"It's called gravity, Kiddo. You'll defeat it soon enough," Lancer smiled as she spoke but it faded almost at once. The smile felt selfish. She realized how soon Edana would be walking, talking...

The battered floodgates to Lancer's emotions finally ruptured, and she set Edana back down, and clenched her eyes against the tears. It didn't work. She was tired. She was confused. She was lonely. She needed strength, advice, and solace. Unfortunately, the one person qualified to give her all three was the one she was afraid to approach. Her tears fell silent and unchecked as she watched Edana tumble over herself. Finally, Lancer closed her eyes and trembled. When she opened them, they were clear. She called out for Malice.

When the little woman returned, her eyes also showed evidence of tears but she stood silently in front of Lancer-waiting.

"I'll go," Lancer said curtly, "but only for the baby. Anything more than that is not in the deal, but I'll go. OK?"

Malice was too tired to even smile at her victory, "That's all I wanted."

"Fine," Lancer growled, still not believing she was going through with this. "I have a few more things I need to get together." Malice offered to help but Lancer refused. "It's all right, I did most of it this morning anyway." She didn't add that Malice looked ready to collapse. She picked up Edana, and stared down at her. "The things I do for you," she smiled. The smile faded as Lancer suddenly remembered why she'd been in such a hurry to pack in the first place.

She felt the energy surge of multiple mech-teleportations.

"NO!" she (and Rodimus) screamed. Lancer twisted her body to protect her baby. There was a dull, damp thud and she found she couldn't move. Lancer was vaguely aware of Malice's piercing cry. At the back of her mind she heard Rodimus scream her name, her real name, but her foremost thought was how close they'd come to hitting her baby.

Blood on Edana's face, but not Edana's. She clutched the infant on her right - her left was useless now. There was a four foot shaft clean through her left shoulder into the thick wood of the hut behind her. The burning in her body was more than shock, and Lancer noted traces of slime coating the shaft. She cursed inwardly - these hunters hit her with physical weapons. They knew her and drugs on the shaft meant they wanted her alive, but were professional enough not to take chances. She saw them pounding uselessly on Malice's telekinetic shield - six armed men - one calling for a backup in the form of a telekinetic CV. Lancer saw the strain on Malice's face and knew her shield would never hold against a direct challenge. Dimly, Lancer recalled times her friend could have thrown these goons into orbit...literally.

"Pagan can't get to us!" Malice shouted at her, "The nearest jump point is miles off!"

"Take Edana!" Lancer grated. "Use the belt and go!" Malice grabbed the mech from where it rested next to Edana's crib and took the screaming, blood-splattered baby from Lancer. Malice met her eyes silently in despairing farewell.

Unable to just leave, Malice hesitated, "Lancer..."

"While I can still think, Malice!" Lancer snarled between clenched fangs.

Malice quickly reset the mech's destination. The Maelstrom was much closer than Cybertron, and shorter 'ports were safer. While her friend fiddled, Lancer blasted off most of the spear-shaft. She heated the remaining few inches until they glowed and steamed where her blood ran down them. Malice teleported out with the baby, and Lancer could only pray they arrived on Maelstrom in one piece. As the shield fell, Lancer braced her left foot against the wood. She thought she heard Rodimus' frantic protests to what she was planning. He seemed to be telling her that help was coming, that they'd be there soon, that she didn't need to die. Ridiculous notion. Obviously she was already delusional. Who was near enough to help her? Even the Maelstrom's sub-ship was too big to land in this swamp. She certainly wasn't about to be taken alive. She ignored Rodi's denials.

"Goodbye," she thought at him, (even though she knew it wasn't really him) and pulled herself off the heated shaft.

She heard flesh sizzle and caught the scent of charred human meat. The heat seared and partly sealed her wound, even as berserker fury seared and sealed her sanity. She forced more energy through her body, hoping to counter the drug's effects for a while. Reaching back almost casually with her right hand, she pulled the spear-head free of the wall, and whipped it into the throat of a CV as it teleported in. One.

Two of the others came at her so she just blasted them to ashes-vaguely glad it had been so long since she'd really used her powers. It was a chunky blast - she was too out of it to aim neatly. Good thing she was too enraged to be embarrassed about it. Two. Three. The bastard with the tranq-spears tried to nail her again, but she leapt over the projectile and landed on him. She didn't remember exactly what she did to him, but he ended up in several nice chunks so she was satisfied. Four.

More bastards were teleporting in, although she had the satisfaction of seeing one of them turn up with his insides out. Mechanical teleporters...such a shame about that. One of the remaining two of the original group took advantage of her excessive mangling of his companion to snare her in an energy net. She had faced these before, but this was different. It wrapped tight around her and shocked her system with rapidly changing frequencies of energy. Her drug-fogged mind couldn't keep up with the variations as it drained her. Her captors prepared to teleport away with her.

OVERLOAD IT! LANCER!! We're almost there! PLEASE try!

Now where did that come from? Not that it was a bad idea. She decided to give it a go and poured all of her remaining energy into a single burst. The mangle nerves in her shoulder shrieked in protest but she didn't care. The net, and its operator, exploded nicely. That made...hmmm...four? Five?

"Where's Edana?" she suddenly wondered in panic. "Where's my baby?" She snarled, finding herself surrounded by men with weapons she wasn't coherent enough to identify. She imagined she saw a rain of lasers pour down on them from a diving shuttle. She knew she was imagining it because it was an Autobot shuttle and because no sane person flew a ship that way. Her body absorbed the blasts that hit near her automatically. Lancer barely felt them but they did seem real enough to turn her attackers into damp, smoking smears. They also blew up her little hut. The imaginary shuttle landed nearby, taking down a few trees as it did.

"EDANA!" she shrieked, having forgotten Malice's visit. She was positive the baby was somewhere inside her shattered hut. Her left arm got in the way as she frantically searched the rubble. She callously shoved it in her belt, ignoring the fact that she was bleeding profusely. A figure suddenly appeared in front of her, and she attacked automatically-slashing its face from just below the left eye to the jaw-line. The voice that cried out was vaguely familiar, but she didn't worry about it and lunged for the throat with her teeth.

_STOP! STOP! LANCER! THAT'S MALICE! DON'T KILL HER!_

Who could that be? Who was calling her?

_Rodi?_

Confirmation didn't come as words, but as love and strength that held her, soothed her. Through his sanity, she saw the "enemy" in front of her become her hurt friend. The shock gave Lancer a last, lucid moment. She took stock of what she'd done, and how much she was bleeding. She was dying and she knew it. Rodimus sent back such stubborn denial she was terrified.

_Don't cling to a corpse!_ she ordered. _Get out Rodi! Let me go!_ She made sure he knew everything she meant by that - she didn't want him to die with her, and she didn't want him to waste his life grieving. She felt an overwhelming determination that he wasn't going to let her die, and felt him wrap himself that much closer. He ordered her to shut eyes to avoid hallucinations. An enormous hand gently scooped her up and placed her - somewhere. Curious, she opened her eyes, and found herself surrounded by Jabez.

"NO! Bastards! I'll kill you all! DON'T TOUCH ME! EDANA!" Strong arms pinned her down, and she screamed in terror and anguish. She fought with all her strength - not having the energy to lance anymore.

Rodimus was literally rocked back on his heels by the clarity of her hallucinations. Optimus caught him. Rodi felt his grip on reality slipping; what she was seeing touched on his memories and deepest fears. Pain on a human scale was something he hadn't felt in a while, but their flimsy mental barrier had ruptured the moment she'd been hit. The pain had knocked him right out of his seat. He'd run for the controls before he'd even really registered what was happening, and hardly noticed when Pagan and half of the Maelstrom crew suddenly appeared on the Autobot's ship.

The dive he'd put the shuttle through was just shy of suicidal - just barely within the trajectory tolerances. Strangely, no one had protested anything he did until he activated every laser on board to shoot the men surrounding Lancer. In his panic, Optimus forgot that Lancer wouldn't be harmed by energy weapons and had made a grab for his crazed partner. Rodimus didn't remember shoving Optimus away, but he did remember feeling a bit guilty when Op hit the wall. He made a mental note to apologize later. They'd all rushed out to get Lancer when she'd panicked thinking the baby was still in the ruined hut. Lashing out at everything, she'd wounded Malice badly. Four ragged tears cut through Malice's thin flesh almost to the bone. Pagan was attending to the telekinetic now.

He'd just handed Lancer to her friends when the hallucinations really hit. Rodimus shuddered and grabbed his head, trying to get his vision to clear. Optimus gripped his shoulders firmly, and the pressure helped Rodimus focus on reality enough to get a look at what was really going on. Robert, Jordan, and Talon were sitting on Lancer; struggling to hold her as she tried to bite and slash her way to freedom. She wasn't making it easy and they had to be careful not to traumatize her worse.

"HOLD HER!" Robert shouted.

"What the hell do ya think I'm tryin' to do? Crochet?! You fuckin' hold her!"

Pain turned Rodi's vision black and he swayed again. Again, he felt Optimus supporting him. Lancer shrieked again in terror and fury, before suddenly collapsing. Her friends took advantage of her unconsciousness and began a frantic attempt to save her. Rodimus barely noticed. All he could really see or feel was the numbing grey void Lancer had escaped to. He concentrated on keeping her - and himself - from slipping further. He turned dim optics on his partner.

"I need a lifeline, Optimus." He knew his partner would understand. Rodimus sank back into Optimus' arms, and shut down his optics. Optimus started talking. What he said meant little to Rodi, who couldn't follow it anyway. What did matter was that Op's voice became a homing beacon for Rodimus. It stood for reality and life, just as it had when Galvatron had ripped our Rodi's chest years prior. Rodimus held on to that steady voice even as he held on to Lancer's life by sheer will. His efforts, combined with her friend's desperate measures and a massive transfusion of Lancer's own blood from the ship's frozen supply, got the injured woman back to Cybertron.

"Rodi ...?...Rodimus? Rodimus, you've got to rest. Rodimus..please...!"

Someone was tugging his arm. It was a dim realization that reached his awareness across the gulf of dizziness and pain. How vague and unimportant it seemed. He pressed his hands against the glass. Nothing mattered now. Nothing but that distant, wan face and the fading life it represented.

"Rodi, please come with me," the voice persisted, as did the pulling. It was Optimus of course. Who else would insist on anything so contrary to Rodi's own nature?

"No." Was his own voice usually that harsh? He couldn't remember. It didn't matter. He stared down.

The surgeon's were Cybertron's finest. EDC had trained them to deal with the inevitable trauma of humans who got in the way of Cybertron's titanic civil war. Even so, Lancer's injuries presented a multiple challenge. The wound, serious enough in itself, was compounded by the harsh tranquilizers bounty hunters had used and the additional damage Lancer had inflicted when she cauterized the wound. Shock, severe blood loss, and Lancer's own unpredictable metabolism were also working against them. She kept burning off the sedatives they administered and thrashing.

Each time that happened, Rodimus would force his will upon her limbs until she was re-sedated. Each time, he felt her deep pain and exhaustion as his own. He knew also, as the doctors never could, that she had been weakened in advance by months of constant, futile struggle to release his mind from hers. There was no way to deny it now. He could not longer ignore how little strength she had left - or how little he had to offer in aid. Pain lanced through him. It didn't matter. He couldn't let her go...and it had taken this to prove it to him. Optimus had known all along, of course, but Rodimus hadn't been willing to listen.

"Rodimus, you HAVE to listen to me! You can't help her here! Exhausting yourself is just going to make it worse. Please listen to me Rodi!"

Turning glazed eyes on his partner, Rodimus smiled faintly. "I was just thinking how much simpler my life would have been if I'd learn to listen to you the first time."

"You should take it as a given that I'm always right," Optimus said facetiously, pulling Rodimus away from the observation window. Optimus felt strongly that Rodimus did NOT need to watch Lancer's bloody surgery. He was just glad Rodi had come around enough to respond. Springer took hold of Rodi's other arm before he could decide to be difficult.

Vaguely, Rodimus noticed the strange assembly in the observation room. His friends, her friends - eyeing each other with varying degrees of curiosity and mistrust. The prevailing emotions he sensed were worry and fear. Malice was gone but he assumed she'd gone to get her wounds treated. Rodi knew Lancer had struck Malice... hard.

Rodimus swayed - and dimly felt the strong hands on his arms grip tighter to steady him. They herded him into a quieter chamber and forced him into a chair. It wasn't that he was opposed to sitting, he just lacked the initiative to do it on his own. Once again, he clenched his hands as Lancer's pain enveloped him. The fact that he could not SEE the battle for Lancer's life did nothing to dim his awareness of it.

"Are you OK, Rodi?" Springer had a rare, worried frown on his face.

You know you're in trouble when Springer can't find a way to be sarcastic. Rodi thought. Out loud he only said, "Ask me when it's over."

Springer obviously didn't take much comfort in that but Rodimus didn't know how to explain what he was experiencing. He was no longer even certain that if Lancer died, he would be able to survive without her. The link with Lancer had withstood the forces of time, space, and all their efforts to undo it. There was no predicting whether death would prove more effective.

Optimus must have been having similar thoughts. "How are you?" he asked. Rodimus somehow sensed that the "you" was plural.

"Tired. Only Edana is holding Lancer here. She thinks she's in Jabez hands, and she's going to fight until she saves the baby. Even so I'm helping her hold on."

Optimus studied him gravely. "Is there anything we can do to help you?"

"I...I don't think so. I just have to ride it out." Rodimus sighed. His optics took on that vacant, unfocused sheen again. Optimus had a sudden, panicked flashback to a few years prior - Rodimus with his innards torn open, his life force a fragile, unwilling bubble in the Matrix, and his optics flat, grey, and dead. Optimus shuddered.

"Rodimus! Stay with us! Rodi listen to me! RODIMUS!" Optimus paused in frustration - his shouting and shaking produced nothing more coherent than a low groan. Op suddenly tried a new tactic. He knelt before his friend. "Rodi, listen. Carly's setting up a nursery down the hall. Edana's there Rodimus. You should go see her - she's your daughter."

Rodimus looked at his partner when Optimus mentioned the baby, but Optimus wasn't sure at first whether or not his ploy worked because Rodi didn't speak.

"Rodi?"

"I'm sorry, Optimus. It's just...my daughter..I know she's real but...I just can't believe...maybe it's just that nothing seems too real right now."

"I know," Optimus intoned softly, "but she's there, and she's yours, and you should visit her. Elita's seen her, so have I. Even Springer and Arcee have seen her. It's your turn. If nothing else it might remind Lancer what there is to live for."

Rodimus nodded vaguely and tried to stand. He failed miserably, and Springer and Optimus hauled him to his feet again. He made a few absurd suggestions about possible uses for his inert carcass if they would only place it strategically while his friends half-carried him down the hall. Blitzwing appeared from somewhere and followed. Only when Springer finally snorted in amused disgust at Rodi's nattering did the young commander seem content to lapse into tired silence. The few steps down the hall seemed very long to him and somewhere along the way he forgot where they were going and why.

Rodi worried about the effects all this upheaval was having on his friends, but knew better than to try similar tactics on Optimus or Blitzwing. His partner was already on to him and Blitz's needs were beyond Rodi's current strength. The ex-Con was pacing and wringing his hands at Rodimus' condition and no amount of joking was going to ease his fears. Despite all of Rodi's efforts to dissuade Blitz's dependency the young Prime was still the sun Blitz orbited.

Finally they reached a dim storage chamber. The neat rows of supplies had been rudely shoved aside to make room for a table, some human sized chairs, a mysterious collection of objects Rodimus knew he'd have to search Lancer's memory to identify, and a crib.

The crib mesmerized him for a moment and then he tensed in agony. Lancer's rage and pain flared; he fought to keep her still. Much later, Optimus would inform him that his grip had injured both of his supporters slightly. At the time, he didn't realize what he was grasping at and they kept their silence while he crushed their hands. Lancer growled and snarled on the operating table but she didn't thrash. More sedative was administered and the repeated injections finally took firm hold. Lancer slipped into a deep sleep on the edge of coma and some of the tension finally released from Rodi's form. Those supporting him were just glad his strong fingers unclenched before their hands got flattened. Springer lowered Rodimus gently against the wall, and Rodi gloried at the lack of pain.

Now there was only the insidious exhaustion to fight.

Op's hushed conversation with Carly seemed very distant and surreal to Rodimus as did the strange wailing that rose and fell around him.

They were talking about the crib.

Carly told Optimus that it had been Daniel's as she bounced and patted an animated bundle on her shoulder. Rodimus finally realized where the hideous wailing was originating from, but somehow still didn't make the full connection. Optimus was expressing relief the Witwickys had kept the crib so long, as such objects were rare on Cybertron. Carly mentioned something about hopes for grandchildren.

What an odd conversation, Rodimus thought vacantly. The reason for it hit him all at once and he came abruptly back to full awareness.

"Rodimus?" Carli approached him at little nervously. He couldn't ever remember seeing her look so harried before. She tried to smile at him. "She's a beautiful, healthy baby, Rodi. I just can't get her to stop crying. I've tried everything. She's in a very strange place among strangers and she's scared."

"Thanks for looking after her Carly," he heard himself say.

Carly gazed at him solemnly for a second. "I owe my son's life to you many times over, and even once to Lancer. You never need to thank me for helping out with your daughter. Would you like to hold her?"

Rodimus looked down, down at Carly and the squalling microbe she cradled. The surreal feeling returned. What a ridiculous notion, giving him such a fragile thing! They'd never let him hold Daniel that young! How could he possibly hold something like that? How could he refuse?

Feeling as terrified as he'd ever felt, Rodimus stretched out a trembling hand. Even sitting, he needed to reach down so Carly could place the microbe - his child - on his palm.

Confronted with this interesting new landscape, Edana lowered her wails an octave or two and looked around. Awkwardly, but with considerable speed, she scrambled on hands and knees over the ridges and crevasses of her father's palm. She almost seemed to be enjoying herself when she suddenly shoved her tiny fists into her eyes and started crying again. While she was still a good three feet from the edge of his hand, she was too close for Rodi's comfort, and he cupped his other hand in front of her.

Although he didn't know it, his action helped shield Edana from the source of most of her discomfort. The little mutant's eyes were sensitive to frequencies far beyond light on either end of the spectrum. She was suffering from the multitude of high frequency transmissions which flew constantly around Cybertron, essentially being blinded by them even though this chamber was partially shielded and was receiving no transmissions directly. Her father's hand added to the room's shielding, and replaced the painful barrage with something more comforting and familiar - life force. Edana sat up, sniffed a little, and finally smiled for the first time since being teleported away from the only home she'd ever known.

Rodimus didn't notice Carly point to his daughter's smiling face. Eerily familiar, if oddly displaced, the baby's smile had erased any faint doubts Optimus had about this child's paternity the instant he saw it. Hot Rod's roguish grin, long since replaced by a superficial copy, had returned on a face of flesh. Even Springer seemed impressed.

"She really IS his," Springer whispered to Optimus.

"Of course she is," Optimus said sadly.

"Then... he really loves Lancer," Springer said in a surprised tone, as if he only now just believed it.

Optimus merely gestured at Rodimus, letting that lax, sickened face answer for him.

"Then we'd better find a way to save her or that kid will be the only one we ever see smile like that again," Springer announced.

Optimus shook his head and looked away. He wished he could argue with Springer's grim prediction, but he couldn't. He was already thinking about what would need to be done if Lancer died. He knew EDC's medical staff was good, and that Robert and the others on Maelstrom were trying to sort through technology they didn't understand for something that would help, but Optimus wasn't feeling very hopeful.

"Carly," Rodimus called in a whisper. "Take her! Please! Take her now!" The instant Carly complied, Rodimus got to his feet and left the room with that unique silence. It was like watching a ghost.

Caught off guard by his sudden flight, Optimus and Springer scurried to catch up. They found him leaning against the wall just outside - having been intercepted by a distraught Blitzwing.

"I'm OK, Blitz."

"Really?" Blitzwing said a little harshly, "you've never lied to me before Rodimus, or is the fact that you can't stand upright on your own how you define OK?"

"He's got you there Rodi," Optimus said wryly, as Rodimus gaped at Blitzwing.

"I...I'm sorry Blitzwing," Rodimus finally stammered. "I didn't mean to lie; I just don't want you to worry."

"Take it as I sign that I've really learned to care about others. It's the price you pay - the more you care, the more you worry, Now quit trying to coddle me and everyone else, and tell us what we can do to help you!" It was the first time Blitzwing had ever contradicted his "savior", and Optimus felt like cheering. Blitz could talk sense to Rodi's stubborn head all day from Op's point of view.

"I don't know what you can do. Everything seems so far away," Rodimus whispered.

"What do you mean? " Optimus pressed.

Rodimus looked distressed. "I can't help any of them! I can't even touch them! Edana didn't even know I was there. There's no way I can even move without hurting her. Lancer too. I'm losing her for good, and I can't even really say goodbye. I keep thinking I should just go in to hold her hand and then I remember our hands don't fit together anymore." Rodimus turned away from them, trying to somehow hide his grief. He wanted to cry. Autobots shed no tears, his mind whispered. He longed for the ability. He wished he could scream. He really, really wished he could just scream.

"What you are saying, really, is that you need to be human again," Optimus mused quietly. From the blank look Rodimus threw him, Op realized Rodi had never even considered that possibility. Optimus smiled ruefully to himself. Rodimus had few blind spots but the ones he had were big enough to drive a truck through. Pun definitely intended.

"Can that be done?" Blitzwing asked.

"Can what be done?" Kup asked, rounding the corner.

"We were considering turning Rodimus back into a human so he can be closer to his...his family," Optimus explained.

Optimus didn't know what reaction he was expecting from Kup but blind fury definitely wasn't it. Kup had never been Lancer's number one fan but Optimus had never realized Kup's dislike had evolved into full-blown hatred.

"WE are his family! I can't believe you'd let him go anywhere near that conniving slut! Hasn't she done enough to him already! Look at him! She's screwed him body and mind, and had that whining brat to control him! She's nothing but a..." Kup's outburst was cut off by Optimus' outraged roar.

"THAT'S ENOUGH! Have you lost all sense Kup? That 'brat' is his child! He's in love with Lancer! His mate is dying and you choose now to argue about it?!"

Springer joined in as they continued to argue. Kup mostly ignored the triple-changer so he could yell right into Op's face. Blitzwing put in a point or two, and got a rash of venomous remarks about Kup's views on his intelligence and trustworthiness. Blitz withdrew from the argument only to find its objective had collapsed quietly to the floor. He cried out in alarm and sudden silence fell like an ax. Rodimus didn't respond to their calls or shaking. His consciousness was elsewhere.

When Kup had started with the accusations, Rodi's only response had been a faint, "Kup,no," which had gone unheard under the shouting. His friend's verbal assault had deeply hurt and shocked him. The added stress was brutal on Rodi's overtaxed systems. Worse it roused Lancer again.

Drugged and delirious, she still somehow picked up the gist of Kup's attack through Rodi. Kup was summing up the fears which had driven her to leave in the first place - fears that she'd injured or tainted Rodimus through their link. Rodimus could never be sure if what happened next was deliberate or just the result of shock due to the delirious certainty that all hers fears were now fact. Her heart stopped. Rodimus slid down the wall while his oblivious friends stood in a tight angry knot and shouted at each other. He didn't have the strength to raise a voice for help.

Rodimus dimly heard the cries of the medical staff through Lancer's ears and focused on them. Shouts of "Cardiac arrest," "charging", and CLEAR!" were repeated several times. "It's not working!" "Are you sure it charged?" Rodimus heard "Clear!' again. Then, "Fucking mutant! Her body is just absorbing all the charge! We'll have to do a manual massage!"

It took Rodimus a moment to actually process their words and the pain in his chest. When he finally sorted it out he realized her heart had stopped beating. Even an Autobot knew what that meant.

Her heart can't stop, he decided vaguely even as all sound faded and the blackness reached out to engulf them both, it has to start again. NOW. 

"I've got a pulse," someone shouted. "Let's close. We'll finish later. She can't take any more and right now neither can I!" There was relieved, tired laughter. Lancer slipped back down into true unconsciousness, and Rodimus awoke to a hard slap in the face.

"I love you too, Optimus," Rodimus joked weakly.

"Sometimes," Optimus said sourly, "I suspect you've staged this whole mess merely to drive me insane! Will you rest now? Please!"

"Well, since you're on to me anyway..."

Kup made a strangled sound-part sob, and part snarl-and ran off down the hall. Blitzwing and Springer supported Rodimus all the way to repair-bay. They stretched him on a table and dimmed the lights at his request. They thought the darkness was to help him rest but he thought of it more as insurance against flashbacks. He was always more prone to them when tired or stressed.

A fair description of my current condition, he thought ruefully. Add that to Lancer's hallucinations and a good look at medical equipment under bright lights is ALL I need. 

Springer said something to him but he missed it.

"What?" Rodi asked. "Sorry, it's sort of hard to concentrate right now."

Springer sighed and looked worriedly at him. "Maybe I shouldn't bother you."

"It's OK. I think I need to stay focused."

"I just said that...I mean..Edana...she looks like you," Springer stammered. The whole idea of Rodimus fathering a child made him very uncomfortable.

"I...I didn't notice," Rodimus finally confessed.

"You weren't looking then," Blitzwing averred, "her face is shaped just like yours."

"I was looking," Rodimus said slowly, "but all I saw...was Lancer."

Lancer's vital signs stabilized in about 24 hours and the doctors decided to finish what they'd started. Using the Maelstrom's files and scanners, and Cybertronian construction techniques, they removed Lancer's damaged bones and replaced them. The synthetic structure replaced the upper half of her humorous and all the bones in her left shoulder, including over half the collarbone. They did what they could for the surrounding nerves and tissue and gave up counting stitches when they passed 500. The bounty-hunter's toxins had mostly worn off, so she was a better patient for the second procedure.

"Surgery and wrestling don't mix," quipped one of the nurses.

Rodimus did finally get a little rest and felt more like himself. He dared another visit to the "nursery" and found Claudia in with the baby. Carly had been a bit unnerved when Lancer's bird-like friend simply appeared at the "nursery" door and approached Edana's crib without asking. She'd felt a flash of fear when the alien's head had snapped suddenly her direction as if at a loud noise.

"I'm from the Maelstrom", Claudia had said, or rather piped. She had to repeat it several times before Carly understood. Having no real vocal chords meant Claudia's unnamed species communicated very little vocally -- and when they did it was with almost musical tones. The "words" she formed were really a very sophisticated form of whistle and to Carly it was like listening to a 6-foot tall mynah bird. Fortunately Carly had enough experience as an ambassador to hide her surprise and listen carefully. She also sensed enough to slow down her own speech for Claudia to follow.

It wasn't long before they were conversing pretty well with each other, and Carly grew to respect how well the alien DID speak English. She laughed when Claudia explained the obvious -- that the name "Claudia" was not really her name, but one chosen to hide her identity and give the humans on board something they could pronounce. Carly rapidly found herself not only following what Claudia said with relative ease but enjoying the company. (She didn't know until much later that part of her easy acceptance of this stranger was facilitated by Claudia herself. Her empathic powers worked to soothe the baby AND the babysitter.)

Nevertheless, Carly was a bit mystified when Claudia simply stood over the crib without touching Edana at first. She unfolded her long, tufted arms from her shoulders and held her hands about 3 inches over the baby's body. She closed her strange, sideways-slitted eyes and stood there swaying slightly. Nothing could have surprised Carly more than when Edana's wails slowed to a more tolerable snuffling. Only then did Claudia reach into the crib and pick her friend's baby up - cupping her in over-long hands and pressing Edana to her chest under her chin. Edana's body sagged like a rag-doll and in an instant she was out. Carly expected Claudia to either put the baby down or walk around with her. The alien did neither. She seemed content to stand perfectly still and let the baby sleep there while she talked to Carly. The entire time they talked, Claudia didn't so much as readjust the baby's weight. Carly was amazed Claudia's arms didn't get tired.

Grateful for the help and the company, Carly took an immediate liking to Claudia. Edana had spent most of her waking hours crying since she arrived. Spike was away again, Daniel was at school, and Carly was alone for hours on end with a squalling child. She was horribly worried about Rodimus but news of what was happening only trickled in when someone remembered to come tell her. She still felt in some way responsible for "driving Lancer off" by snapping at her the day before the young mutant had fled. Rodi's assurances that Lancer had always planned to leave didn't help much. Helping with the baby had seemed at least a small way Carly could make up for that, but she felt she was failing. Edana was exhausting herself by shrieking non-stop until she fell asleep...only to wake up a few hours later to begin again. Claudia listened to all these worries with a sympathetic, if invisible, ear.

Claudia had hoped to figure out why the baby wouldn't relax but wasn't very successful. She knew Edana was very frightened but there didn't seem to be an emotional reason. She suggested to Carly that maybe there was something physical going on and Carly worriedly agreed to take her to Perceptor and First Aid later. She didn't look forward to telling Rodimus something might be wrong with the daughter he hardly knew.

When Rodimus walked haltingly in, the empath was glad to see the baby's father taking an interest in her but after a few minutes in his presence, Claudia abruptly put Edana down, excused herself, and left with long , swift strides.

Rodimus sighed. He'd tried to wall off his emotions. Carly looked confused, and he explained. "She's empathic Carly. Powerful emotions are rough on her. It's amazing she's even off Maelstrom. I'm just too much for her to handle right now." He would have to find Claudia later (no...better to contact her over the com) and thank her. Her presence was a monumental show of friendship to Lancer and Rodimus knew it.

"Oh. That explains how nervous she seemed. She kept jumping while we were talking. If I could pick up on all the jangled nerves around here, I'd be a wreck too. My own nerves are enough right now."

"Yeah," Rodi said, sitting on the floor. He studied his daughter's blotchy face, from where she sat whimpering in her crib. She looked too worn out to really cry anymore. He tried to see some of himself in her but didn't, other than the obvious red hair.

"How are you?" Carly asked.

"OK, I guess."

"Good. Hold your daughter. I need to change her sheets." Carly scooped the little girl up and deposited her in his palm before he could argue. Edana sat imperiously in the center of his hand and howled. Rodimus froze again.

Carly finally gave up on him completely after getting Daniel (fresh from EDC flight training) to come in to talk to him. No amount of encouragement or teasing could convince him to move until the baby was safely off his hand.

It wasn't much better at Lancer's bedside. He could only envy her friends who took turns sitting beside her and held her right hand. It was also painful to read veiled suspicion in the eyes of people he considered friends and he remembered Lancer's similar confusion with the Autobots. It was an unexpected side effect of their entangled memories.

First Aid checked on Rodimus almost as often as Lancer's attendants checked her. He got reemed once for trying to do some light paperwork and finally resigned himself to the medic's fussy care. He was a bit surprised at Perceptor's appearance at a few of these examinations, though.

"Aren't you working on that satellite system I asked about?" Rodimus grumbled the third time Perceptor came to mutter over him.

"First Aid requested a second opinion, and I felt compelled to respond accordingly. His diligence in looking into your condition is admirable and it would behoove you to be more cooperative," Perceptor stated.

"In other words," First Aid said tartly, "quit fidgeting so we can finish with you!"

Rodimus mumbled a few complaints under his breath, but managed not to flash and to hold still. Finally, they left him alone.

Many hours later Elita found him sitting on the floor at Lancer's bedside. She paused in the doorway. He was the picture of dejection - knees drawn up under his chin and eyes staring fixedly at Lancer. Elita sighed aloud, more to warn him of her presence than anything else.

"How is she?" the slender female asked gently.

"No change," Rodimus told her, "except for a slight fever which they tell me is pretty normal."

"How are you?" Elita asked.

Rodimus opened his mouth to lie and caught a glimpse of Elita's wise smile. She would know the truth when she heard it and wasn't about to fall for his bullshit. He groaned inwardly, just what he needed, as if Optimus wasn't bad enough. Rodimus could hardly stand to think of the trouble he'd have when Elita had been around long enough to actually know him well.

"I'm scared," he told her honestly, "I'm scared she'll never wake up. I'm scared of what will happen when she does. I'm scared for the kid. I'm scared OF the kid and I'm scared to touch either of them."

Elita smiled sympathetically and Rodimus suddenly wondered how different his life might have been if she and Optimus had never gotten separated.

"Well, let's see if we can't knock at least one worry off that list," she said taking both his hands. She pulled him to his feet and led him down the hall by the hand. Her grip was gentle but Rodimus knew better than to resist.

They'd done it. Somehow, somewhen, they'd pulled it off. Rodimus couldn't believe it but he wanted to hug them all. The chamber which had changed him back into an Autobot was now running in reverse - or at least it was in theory. The risks involved were anyone's guess. Rodimus didn't care much about the danger personally but as a Prime...Optimus was there of course but shook his head when Rodi asked to talk to him privately.

"Don't even ask about it Rodimus. Sometimes we have to take chances. Just don't forget that we need you - for more than just leadership."

Rodi didn't need more encouragement than that. He readily agreed to everything Perceptor told him to do - finally stepping into the chamber with more anticipation than fear. Still, some part of him wondered if he wasn't proving Lancer's doubts. It was so easy to justify this. Was that because it was justifiable or just because he wanted it so badly?

As before, blinding energy tore into him. He felt his body resist, then yield. Rodimus remembered little of his first transformation - he'd been too crazed - but somehow he sensed this time was easier.

The pain was still searing, getting worse as his nerves concentrated into a softer, smaller area. He felt himself slipping into a manic flashback and summoned an image of Lancer and Edana like a talisman. Never letting go of that image Rodimus fought back his memories and discovered the change was complete.

A thousand minute sensations momentarily paralyzed him. The cold-smooth floor, his skin rubbing against itself as he shivered in a ball on the floor. The scrape of his eyelashes on his forearm when he blinked. His heartbeat. Presently he realized he was forgetting to breathe and he gasped air into his rediscovered lungs. The air tasted like metal. For just a moment he was back in the torture chamber. He fully expected the next sensation to be strong, oily fingers wrapping around his shoulders like tentacles and then the needles...No. Not this time. This time he was here because he wanted it.

The chamber's door opened, and Perceptor's distant face peered in. "Rodimus?" he asked. Then he remembered to look down. "Oh. There you are. Obviously the procedure was successful."

"Hey, what's he look like?" Perceptor's young aide enthusiastically poked her head in. KC peeked around Perceptor's leg, gasped, gaped, and turned pink up to her ears. She ducked back out even more quickly than she'd popped in.

"I don't suppose anyone thought to bring me anything to wear?" Rodimus asked wryly when he'd finally deciphered KC's reaction. "GREAT," he snapped at Perceptor's blank look. Rodi cooled his heels inside the chamber while they called Carly for help. In about half an hour, Daniel ran in and tossed him a T-shirt, trunks, and a pair of sweat pants - in addition to a gleeful, mocking smirk. The clothes were Spike's and they were too small on him. He was afraid one deep breath would split the entire outfit.

Daniel thought the whole thing was hysterical. "You look like an overstuffed sausage," he informed Rodimus gravely and then doubled over laughing. It wasn't long before the assembled Autobots and even embarrassed KC joined in. Rodimus made a big show of pouting.

"Oh nice! Fine!" Rodimus said peevishly, "Laugh now! I'll get you guys! Just remember I can get back to being an Autobot when I want now! I'll be back to kick your asses whenever I need to." From the laughter that swept the room, he got the feeling they didn't take him too seriously.

They went to see the baby first since Rodimus planned to sleep on a cot in Lancer's ward. Optimus and Elita followed him down, hand in hand. Rodimus lifted his exhausted daughter out of the crib and spent a long moment just gazing her. Her solid, soft weight surprised him for even now she looked so tiny and fragile. She gripped his finger and he felt a bond as indelible as his love for her mother sear its way into his soul.

Carly laughed at his thunderstruck expression. "You look like you've swallowed a live fish Rodimus!"

"You're disgusting Carly, have I told you that? Then again, all humans are disgusting so I guess you're used to it." Rodimus smiled devilishly at her, then sobered a little. "I just don't understand how its possible to fall so totally in love with anyone so fast. One minute holding her and suddenly I can't imagine life without her."

"It's that way for all new parents Rodimus. It's a good thing too, or they'd never survive all the turmoil they cause in the lives of their families," Carly grinned at him.

Edana opened her eyes, blinked, squinted, and for once, smiled. "Oh wow," Rodimus said, nearly inaudibly, "she sees me..."

Rodimus stayed in the nursery longer that he'd planned, holding his sleeping daughter and marveling over her tiny hands and toes. Finally, he mustered enough resolve to relinquish her and face Lancer's ward. He approached the room with a trepidation he didn't quite understand.

"It will be fine, Rodi," Elita said softly. Rodimus jumped--he'd forgotten they were still with him.

I'm still really out of it, he realized.

"Do you want us to leave you alone?" Optimus asked.

"I guess it doesn't matter much - I keep forgetting you're with me," said the little red-head with Rodi's voice and his wry, tired smile.

"I'm worried about you," Optimus said.

"I know. I'm sorry. Stay if it makes you feel any better," Rodimus said.

Optimus shook his head, "We're not the ones who need to feel better partner."

Rodimus stared up at his friends, "You know I'm always glad for your support but truthfully I don't think there's much more you can do for me now. This," he gestured at his human body, "is the best we can expect to make any difference."

"Well, if support is all we can offer, then we'll just have to keep offering it," Elita said with an amused smile as if the matter had ever been in doubt. She, of all the Autobots, seemed completely unfazed by Rodi's human entanglements.

Rodimus opened the door to Lancer's ward, but held back before going in. "After you," he said, waving them in.

"Coward," Elita said teasingly.

"Certainly," Rodi returned, with as much pomp as he could muster.

Later, when Optimus and Elita finally left, they were forced to agree there hadn't been much they could do. When Rodimus had finally quit hanging timidly near the door, he'd gone up to Lancer's bedside very slowly. He stood there looking at her a while before finally touching her cheek gingerly. He acted as if he were afraid she'd vanish on contact. When she didn't he pulled up a chair and took her hand as though it were made out of glass. Once he had it though, he never let it go. Optimus and Elita sat there for about four Terran hours. Doctors and nurses had come and gone in a steady procession, members of the Maelstrom crew had paused awkwardly in the door. Through it all, Rodimus had gently held Lancer's hand. He said next to nothing except once to complain about the heat and he moved even less. Finally, still cradling her fingers in his own he fell to sleep in his chair.

The head physician, a tall, elderly black man named Dr. Winston, noticed this and smiled to himself. He asked a pair of orderlies to bring over the unoccupied hospital bed next to Lancer's. They managed to lift Rodimus into it without waking him or breaking his grip. Elita was thoroughly impressed by this feat and praised them.

"He's gotta be totally exhausted," one of them men said, shaking off her compliment with a smile, "if he wasn't, we'd have woken him for sure. The Doc just doesn't want him to get neck strain sleeping in a chair."

By the next morning however it became apparent more than simple exhaustion was at work. Blitzwing tore heedlessly down the hallways of Central at full tilt-leaving startled humans and Autobots flattened against the walls in his wake. For once their curses didn't bother him as he charged into the command center. Optimus had decreed that nothing about Lancer's condition was to be transmitted electronically which meant messages had to be passed in person. Blitzwing scrambled into the command center where Optimus was trying to catch up with the work he'd been neglecting and Rodi's share as well. Blitz blurted one sentence before sprinting back the way he'd come - rekindling the chaos he'd struck with his first passage.

"They can't wake Rodimus!" It was a hastily shouted sentence almost incomprehensible but it was enough to bring Optimus and Kup racing after him nonetheless. They had the advantage of FAST ground vehicle modes and he cursed as they passed him. He wished tanks were faster or that he dared to try to fly indoors. At least the humans weren't just cursing at him this time.

Elita was already in the ward when Optimus and Kup rolled to a screeching halt outside. They transformed and stepped inside - their clamorous arrival largely ignored by a medical staff that put up with Autobot intrusion on a regular basis. They ignored Blitz too when he finally caught up. Most of the medics were scurrying around Lancer, trying to quell a rapidly spiking fever. Two others were trying to discover why the strange red-head wouldn't wake up. They had no explanation for his condition.

Optimus and the others took a cue from Elita and flattened themselves against the wall - trying to keep out of the way. Only when the doctors decided to move Rodi to another ward did Optimus interfere.

"They stay together," he said in a tone that killed any possible thoughts of objection. Dr. Winston scowled but didn't challenge the order. The humans finished their work on Lancer and assigned nurses to check on her at ten minute intervals. Rodimus was checked and rechecked until Optimus ordered them to leave him alone.

This time Dr. Winston did protest but Optimus told him there was nothing they could do.

"How do you know that?" Dr. Winston said angrily. "Is there something you aren't telling me or are you just being presumptuous?!"

Blitzwing gasped at the little human's audacity. Among his people addressing a superior that way was usually fatal. Optimus on the contrary seemed somewhat pleased.

"I'm not being presumptuous Doctor. I know very little about human medicine and am very aware of that fact. You are right - there is something I'm not telling you. I'm glad you are so determined to help that young man but I'm afraid you can't. Concentrate on your other patient; that's the best you can do for him."

The doctor stared at Prime measuringly and demanded more information. Optimus didn't enlighten him and the man was clearly frustrated. Finally however, he was forced to return to Lancer's rampaging fever. Her body was trying to reject the implants as well as fight off the infection caused by the spear. The fact that she'd killed off a good number of her own cells frying the area didn't help either. They would be fortunate to avoid gangrene. Her fever rose every time the drugs they used to control it began to wear off. Lancer's face gleamed with sweat, and seemed to fade into the white pillows. She moaned unintelligibly and thrashed weakly.

"We have got to keep her still. She's wearing down fast enough with this fever and all that struggling is making it worse," one of the junior doctors stated. This sparked a discussion of their alternatives. One argued for further sedation but the others felt she'd been over-drugged already. Restraints could injure her further if she really got out of hand. Finally though they opted for restraints.

The results were nearly as instantaneous as they were catastrophic. Lancer's eyes opened pupiless; the light blinding and driving the medical staff back. She roared like an animal and writhed. There was a brief, white-hot flare. The bindings, her hospital gown, bandages, and the surrounding sheets fell as so much ash. That was apparently the limits of her energy reserves for she collapsed as violently as she'd roused. The ashes rose in a cloud around her body when she fell back onto the bed. There was a slight depression outlining her form where her power had damaged the mattress. The bed-frame was untouched. Everyone stared for several seconds as if waiting for her to spring up again. Then chaos erupted. Some ran to help the patient. Others just ran. In the turmoil everyone forgot Rodimus.

Dr. Winston was the first back at Lancer's side. He was quickly re-bandaging her bloody arm until it could be refitted with a new series of splints. Optimus caught a glimpse of her swollen, purple shoulder and had to look away. The wound was gaping where the blast had disintegrated the external stitches. What he saw when he turned was so incomprehensible to Optimus that it took a long moment for him to register and act on it.

Rodimus was on his feet but his face was a seething mask of hatred and he was very deliberately stalking the doctor with a scalpel from the medical cart. Concentrating solely on his patient the doctor didn't see Rodimus coming. It wasn't until the young human actually moved to slit the man's throat that Optimus came out of his shock and moved.

Thinking only to stop Rodimus he simply grabbed, and felt the slight pressure of the blade glancing off his impervious fingers. Optimus felt Rodimus squirm in his hand still (unbelievably) trying to reach the shocked surgeon. Optimus didn't know what was more unnerving, Rodi's implacable struggling or the silence with which he carried it out. Anyone with such a look of total madness should at least be screaming or something. Optimus turned his writhing partner around to force optic/eye contact.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Optimus roared. He felt sick fear turn to relief as Rodi's expression went from crazed, to perplexed, to aghast. The gleaming scalpel fell to the floor with a faint tink. Rodi's face was pale and slick with sweat.

"I don't know," he finally gasped, "I thought I was back...it seemed so real...I don't feel very well." His body sagged like a doll in Optimus' hand. "Tired...," he mumbled, "...tired."

"...tired..." Lancer echoed her new gown already soaked and sticking to her body.

Dr. Winston looked from his patient to his would-be murderer and back again. He gave Optimus a measuring stare, and pushed his thin wire spectacles up his sweaty nose. "Let me guess, if we lose her, we might lose them both," he said grimly. Elita gasped and Optimus decided silence was his best response. "Marvelous," the human said with a resigned sigh, "I adore high-stakes cases. Two for the price of one! As if this wasn't already difficult enough! Mutants! Telepaths! Damn it all!" He continued grumbling and complaining but seemed to work all the harder for it. He bullied and guilted his frightened personnel back to their posts. Optimus smiled in spite of it all as he returned his semi-comatose partner to bed. It was always gratifying to find dedicated personnel. He made a point to commend the man's efforts - however they turned out.

Rodimus slipped in and out of fever haze. He was too weak now to hold himself at all apart from Lancer's delirium. The wall was gone. He would have never been able to hold it alone in the first place, even if he'd been at full strength. At least there was no more reason to restrain Lancer. Someone must have gone to badger Kain, because shortly after Lancer's violent seizure, the eight foot tall reptilian telepath made his first appearance in Lancer's ward. Rodimus was so surprised Kain had even stirred from his quarters, that Rodi thought he might actually be hallucinating again. Kain loathed most humans and Rodimus had no reason to expect he cared that much for Autobots either. Kain tolerated the humans on the Maelstrom because his very liberal (for a Drazi) sibling insisted on it and he owed Pagan a life-debt. She had twisted his fins to help Lancer when she'd been possessed and Rodimus suspected more fin twisting had taken place on Maelstrom recently.

The Drazian telepath paid no attention at all to the shrieking nurse. He simply walked in unannounced - 700 pounds of scale and muscle, 200 pounds of ceremonial armor, and the sweet visage of nauseous crocodile. (The poor nurse was on edge anyway, and after Kain's visit had needed sedatives and a leave-of-absence. Kain didn't so much as glanced at her, but his scaly, ferocious expression was enough to send her running down the halls.) There was nothing said. There were no flamboyant gestures. Kain merely entered, stared at Lancer for a moment, gave dazed Rodi a measuring stare, and left - all in silence. Nevertheless through all the hallucinations and nightmares that would follow, Lancer would be still. Rodimus was grateful - when he was coherent enough to be. Too bad Kain couldn't keep her body from fighting the implants or cure the massive infection from her wound just as easily.

Visitors came and went. Rodi supposed he even talked to some of them. He wondered if what he said made as little sense to them as what they said did to him. Often, he dreamed. He dreamed weird things. Dreamed Goldbug forgave him, but only once. Dreamed that it was Unicron that possessed Lancer and that he'd stepped in with the Matrix in time to save her. Dreamed about their time alone together and was happy...briefly. Dreamed a lot of unfeasible plans. Dreamed a lot more feasible nightmares.

Tired. Tired Tired. He'd never been so tired. He faded in and out and always awoke more tired. It didn't seem possible to live in this condition - surely his heart (or hers) would just stop at any moment. Each beat in his chest seemed...half-hearted...ha ha. He thought Carly brought the baby in once but he wasn't certain.

Voices rose and ebbed around his consciousness. Well, that was fine. They made sort of a pleasant backdrop to his thoughts. He tried, once or twice, to pull himself up out of the delirium. Useless. He couldn't even lift his head. Some nice person put a cool cloth on his brow and water in his mouth. He tried to thank them but was uncertain if he succeeded.

Then the arguing started. Someone called his name but he was too spent to answer. Didn't they realize a person needs to rest now and then? The same voice (?who's?) began scolding someone else in a gravely whisper.

"He's dying. I told you it was insane to let him go human! That circuit-twisting parasite is destroying him and you encouraged it!"

"You make it sound deliberate! Kup, she's dying too! You can't blame her for this! She's the one that wanted to break the link!"

"Don't you know a scam when you see one? She started it! She could end it whenever she liked! She's got you all fooled!" Kup. That was Kup. There was so much scorn and hate in his voice.

"I suppose that hole in her body is part of the act?" Rodimus thought Optimus sounded sarcastic.

"So? The slut got hurt. That doesn't change the fact that she's manipulating him and had that little piece of slag to make sure she had control." It took Rodimus a few minutes to figure out what the "little piece of slag" was.

"Take it outside you idiots!" New voice. Sounded rather angry too. "I'm having enough trouble keeping my patients quiet and stable without a lot of ridiculous bickering at their bedsides!"

The damage was done, however. Rodimus simply could not tolerate another conflict. He recoiled mentally from Kup's scathing accusations and let himself slide gently into the silent haven of Lancer's coma. As far as he was concerned the fighting was over.

Later when it was finally over, Lancer and Rodimus would learn that it was Claudia who finally told Shellshock of their worsening state. The doctors simply could not reverse the slow, steady weakening of their vitals. It was attributed to fever and exhaustion. Claudia walked into the ward, laid a downy, three-fingered hand on both of them and pronounced it resignation. Lancer didn't want to live and Rodimus was no longer fighting.

Claudia fixed one of her strange, penetrating eyes on Kup and said, "Rodimus has had enough of fighting." Kup winced, but said nothing. He just turned his back. Claudia left and sought Shellshock. He was surprised to find her at his door knowing his mangled psyche made her uncomfortable.

"If you wish to see him do it now. He has let go of life," Claudia said simply. There was no need to say who "he" was.

Kup and Optimus were at it again in the hall late that evening when a strange human male walked past them and into Lancer's room. At nearly eight feet tall, he drew gasps from humans as he strode through Central as if he owned it. Passing the feet of the bickering command staff, the man walked by them without asking permission or even acknowledging them. For an instant, Optimus thought a Convert was infiltrating the ward. Talon however, merely nodded to the man from Lancer's bedside. (Talon had been telling the comatose woman a series of lewd, ludicrous stories for several hours in hopes of "getting a rise out of her")

The stranger did not approach Lancer however. He stood at Rodimus' side, solemnly staring for several minutes. Rodi's face had taken on a sort of porcelain flawlessness. He looked peaceful, innocent, and very young. He also looked dead. The golden stranger studied that pale, still face with no readable expression on his own.

"So," he finally said in a fluid, rumbling baritone. "It has come to this. You endured everything they did to us. It drove you mad but you kept fighting. You pick now to quit." The blonde man's brow furrowed and Optimus, staring from the doorway, noticed the faint golden sheen to his robust skin. The man ignored him completely and kept talking to Rodimus. "You can't do this Rodimus. I won't let you! You have the Autobots to lead, the Jabez to destroy, and a family that needs you as well! I have nothing but revenge, and if I have to live then so do you!" The man's voice barely rose above a whisper although it was so quiet in the ward everyone present could hear him.

It was beginning to dawn on Kup and Optimus as to who this man really was, but nothing prepared them for his effect on Rodimus. The young Prime's face changed even before he opened his too-old eyes. As Rodi's mind regained awareness of his burdens they manifested on his features. By the time he opened his eyes Optimus wondered how he could ever have thought it looked young. It still looked dead though, ghostly.

Rodi's blue-green eyes met the gold and copper eyes of the man above him. Rodi's pale, hot hand reached weakly to touch the cool, gleaming skin of the stranger's.

"I won't fail you again G...Shellshock," he whispered.

Talon, still sitting by Lancer's side, arched an eyebrow and nodded to himself. Optimus and Kup crowded the doorway, stunned beyond speech and their anger at each other.

"Shellshock," Rodimus continued, " I'm...I'm so.."

"Don't!" Shellshock cut him off roughly. "It's over. There was nothing you could have done. Let it go."

Rodimus stared at him in mute sorrow but Shellshock's face was cold and set. His eyes showed no emotion although his hands shook slightly. Abruptly he turned away from Rodimus and left the room. He stormed through Kup's legs as he did so and both Kup and Prime stared after him as he headed towards the Maelstrom's sub-ship.

"Rodimus?" Optimus turned towards his shaken partner. He hoped he was wrong. "That can't be Goldbug!"

Rodimus fell back onto his pillows. Obviously the effort to raise himself off them even a little had taken its toll. The look he threw Optimus held nothing of weakness however. That silent glare forced the truth onto Optimus's unwilling mind. Rodimus was insisting his partner face and accept the situation. That cold, bitter man had once been Bumblebee.

Rodimus struggled once more to sit upright, and saw Talon watching him from Lancer's bedside. They had never spoken directly before. Talon treated him with suspicious reserve. Rodi guessed the man felt about him nearly the same way Kup felt about Lancer. He was now gazing at Rodi with a challenging but slightly respectful smile.

I earned points with him somehow, Rodimus thought hazily, but the jury's still out. Amazing how all of these trite human expressions wormed their way into your thought patterns. Rodi, knowing Talon from Lancer's memories decided on the direct approach. He also chose to ignore Kup and Op's hushed discussion about Shellshock.

"Talon," he called, as best he could. He was more lucid now but certainly no less tired. The man quirked an eyebrow, shrugged and patted Lancer's hand as he got up.

"What?" Talon asked gruffly as he came around Lancer's bedside to stand by Rodi's.

"Thanks."

Talon quirked his other eyebrow. "For what?"

"Holding her hand. Being there. Telling those insane lies you claim are true. It helps. Your friendship means a lot to her."

"Oh. That," Talon said. He looked at Rodimus askance.

"What?" Rodimus asked, with a faint smile of his own.

"Erm...Nothing...I mean...It's creepy. Lancer always called my stories 'insane lies' too."

"That's how she thinks of them - even the ones she knows are true. She thinks you're funny," Rodimus smiled almost apologetically and shrugged.

Talon smirked, and shook his head. "Damn," he muttered under his breath. This time Rodi quirked the eyebrow. "I told myself not to fall for this whole mental link crap but I guess I am. Ya really care for her, don't ya?"

"Claudia could have told you that," Rodimus whispered.

"I prefer to make my own judgments," Talon said with a certain air of offended dignity. Rodi smiled to himself. Lancer had noticed long ago how Talon's speech patterns changed when he forgot to act like an uneducated tough-guy. Fortunately she had also noted that it was probably better to not mention it. They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment.

"Talon...can..can you tell me about Shellshock? Does he need anything? Anything at all? Is..is he...I mean.." Rodimus sighed, and closed his eyes. There was an instant's temptation to just leave them shut and drift back off to where these fears couldn't touch him. He forced himself to open them - he'd promised.

"Don't worry about 'im right now, Red. He's solid. Ya get your own bull together first. Once you and the girl get off your backs ya might want to talk to Shellshock. There's obviously some heavy shit between you. Save it for when ya can sit up," Talon said brusquely. His arms were crossed and he glowered. Rodimus grinned.

"What?" Talon sounded annoyed.

"That look never works on Lancer either. She always says she does it better," Rodi said, still smiling.

Talon stared at him again, then shook his head, smiled, and shrugged. "That she does. Will again soon I hope. We all miss the girl."

Rodimus had no way to respond, so he changed the subject. "How's Malice?"

Talon seemed a little surprised at Rodi's concern and then slightly suspicious.

"She's Lancer's best friend, Talon. She was a mess when she went after Lancer - and that was before Lancer cut her face."

Talon seemed to war with his decision to be suspicious and then shrugged again.

"She's fair. Her face will be fine at least assuming she doesn't pine herself to Hell first. Stitches are easy. Gettin' a heart-broken telekinetic to take care o' herself, that ain't so easy. Minding Shellshock an 'er kid helped a bit. Then she 'ad to go harrin' off after Lancer. Now she blames herself for getting Lancer nailed."

Rodimus grimaced. "Lancer will blame herself for slashing Malice."

Talon grunted. "Women. Go figure. Suppose ya got divine insight into the female mind. Ya gonna let the rest of us in on it?"

Rodimus laughed a little bitterly. "If I really understood her, do you think we'd be in this mess right now?"

"Probly. Never known nothin' that could change that girl's mind once she latched on to somethin'; the facts not withstanding'."

"Tell me about it," Rodimus said, looking over at her still, pale face. He bit his lip.

"Now don't get all in a stew Red. If she's half a stubborn 'bout caring for ya as she is 'bout everythin' else, ya got no worries --apart from her killin ya upon waking."

Rodimus snorted. "I DO worry about that!"

Talon laughed, and shook his head. He turned, gave Lancer's hand another pat, and walked out, pointedly passing Kup without a word. He gave Optimus a slight nod. The two Autobots had retreated to the doorway to "discuss" Shellshock in angry whispers. Optimus had more than half listened in on Talon's exchange with Rodi, much to Kup's indignation. As soon as Talon was gone they turned back to Rodimus, only to find he was already asleep.

Lancer dreamed. While still unconscious, she was now successfully fighting the infection and getting stronger. Sounds, voices, and feedback from Rodimus began to make their impression on her dreams. Rodimus did the best he could to keep her calm during her sleep but this time he was taken along for the ride.

The dream began pleasantly enough. She sensed Rodimus near her -heard the echoes of his love and concern. Still, she sensed him the most through her strongest telepathic channels. The same channels the "demon" had exploited. The same old fears returned to haunt her - with vengeance.

Lancer dreamed. I am chained to a wall. There are bonds circling my arms above and below the elbow, and my legs at the thigh and ankle. They are a cold, clear blue. I recognize my surroundings as the same lab where Rodimus and Goldbug were held.

The shackles are unnecessary. I'm paralyzed. I can't even scream as I feel powerful, moist hands all over my naked body. Their fingers feel like a blanket of squid. I can't see how many Jabez there are, I can just feel those hands probing me.

Suddenly the hands are gone. Only one Jabez remains, silhouetted against the searing light. A fine, long scalpel glints in his fingers.

Slowly, deliberately, he slices me open from throat to groin. There is no blood, just pain and a thin line like a paper-cut. He makes a horizontal cut across my belly. I can't scream. There is still no blood, but I know it's really deep.

Using his hands like wedges, he splits the vertical cut at the intersection. Then, grasping each of the four corners with a hand segment, he peels them back. There is a miserable tearing sound as he pulls laboriously at my flesh - making a diamond shaped hole in my midriff and exposing muscle and entrails. I still can't scream.

Somehow, I can see my guts convulsing with a life of their own. I feel them being pushed and grasped from within. Something wants out. Badly. The Jabez almost seems to smile and plunges both hands into my intestines. I feel his fingers wiggling through my innards...groping, searching. Finally, he begins to pull something free.

Like an obscene C-section, he draws forth a copy of myself from my twisting organs. The demon. My corrupt core. She horrifies me...all the more because she looks normal. No horns. No fangs. No evidence of her corruption at all. She smiles sweetly at the Jabez as he helps her step clear of my body cavity, for all the world like a man helping an elegant lady from a carriage. Too bad she's covered with blood and slime. The Jabez escorts her across the room and there is Rodi. I still can't scream.

He is as he was when I first saw him. Nude, hung on a wall in shackles. Blood everywhere. It isn't until the demon reaches for his face that I notice one major difference in his wounds. He is blind. His eyes are missing. I still can't scream.

The demon reaches out with her slimy hand to touch and taste his blood. She mingles the filth on her body with his blood, rubbing it into his wounds. As she does they close, trapping the corruption within his skin. The demon croons soothing things to him as she works. My mute warnings and pleading go unheeded. He can't hear me. He can't see her for what she is. He welcomes her attention. Finally, as I fight for the slightest ability to move or speak, she sticks her tongue into each of his eye sockets in turn. His eyes are restored, but not as they should be. They look the same, but are blazing with the same infectious evil as the demon's.

I weep, silent, beyond the desire to scream.

They two of them find and embrace Edana. My child grows up before my eyes into a horror like the obscene parents beside her. My corruption. My fault.

The next few moments are so confused I can't make any sense of them. All I'm sure of is that the three of them cut such a swath of blood, mayhem, and death that the blood rises past my ankles. Rodimus takes care of the Autobots personally. The blood passes my waist. They find our allies, the families of our friends, my parents. The blood reaches my chin.

My shackles have vanished. So has everything else - aside from the blood I've caused. It doesn't matter that my hands are free. The slimy clots that coat my body are enough to hold me down. I can't touch bottom, and the plasma is so thick I can't raise my limbs to swim. The blood has become an ocean so there's no where to swim anyway. Why do I bother to struggle? Why don't I just give up? Everything I love has been destroyed and I'm so hot. So tired. This must be Hell. I have no hope and no reason to hope.

Something stubborn within me won't quite quit though and I thrash the best I can.

I'm tired. The goop is like liquid lead, heavy and hot. I'm sinking, choking, drowning. Just as the red mire closes over my face, a powerful hand grabs mine as I reach up. It pulls, and another joins it. I try to reach up with my other hand, and suddenly see my salvation.

"Rodimus?!" I can hardly call his name. I'm coughing up too much blood.

"HOLD ON! Lancer! You have to!"

He is perched on a crumbling bit of rock--hardly even a boulder. Every time he tries to lift me, it cracks more.

"I'll pull you in! Let me go!"

"Help me or you will pull me in! I'm not letting you go!" His wild, stubborn eyes meet mine and I know he means exactly what he says. Damn him.

The blood stretches around my limbs like liquid elastic. It pulls me down and deprives me of traction and leverage.

"Let me go! It's no use!" I HAVE to convince him! He's the only one who can stop the bloodshed! This time he doesn't bother to answer. His grip is so strong it hurts.

The suction pulls me down, he strains to pull me up, the rock cracks under him. I desperately try to keep from dragging him in with me. I feel a snap! Is it him pulling me up or has the corruption taken us both? The instant stretches maddeningly. Up? Down? Then...I wake up. 

Lancer shuddered in the darkness, partly from the dream, partly from the fever, although she didn't realize she was sick. Drugged and hazy, she mistook the darkened ward for the cave she and Rodimus had used for so long when they were marooned. She smiled at his messy hair as he stirred beside her. She smiled wider at his startled gaze.

"You're awake!"

Lancer smiled again. He seemed so amazed. The smile faded. "I was having the strangest dreams," she said unhappily. She felt the familiar brush of his mind against hers. She felt his concern and a sudden realization which he immediately shielded from her. She thought about asking what was wrong but he beat her to it.

"What did you dream?"

"I don't really remember. Something about the Jabez and the demon. You were there to save me though."

"I'll always be there to save you, Lady."

She laughed weakly...she hated it when he called her that. "Wouldn't it be nice if that were true? I'll get you home soon enough. Then you won't have to worry about me anymore." He didn't answer her but he looked and felt so terribly sad.

"I'm sorry," she whispered," I don't want to hurt you but it's going to happen Rodimus."

"I know," he said finally. He seemed reluctant to touch her and looked distracted. She touched his face, and was a little startled by how he leaned into her caress.

"What's wrong with you?" She was starting to get worried.

"I've..I'll just..miss you. More than you imagine."

She didn't know how to answer him. It was more than words, it was the anguish she sensed in him. Raw, open pain.

"I've done you nothing but harm," she said, pulling away from him. The shuddering returned.

"NO! Lancer! Please don't think that way! Please don't!"

"Why not?" Lancer felt truly sick. "It's true! Not even the Jabez hurt you that much and I can't do anything about it." She began sobbing weakly, wondering vaguely as she did so why her left side hurt.

"It's worth it," he said. His eyes weren't on her though. He was looking beyond her.

"You can't mean that! You can't possibly mean that!" What was he looking at? She started to turn around when he quickly leaned forward and kissed her firmly and passionately. He sent such raw, unbridled emotion into her she was completely overwhelmed. She sensed his love and conviction. He really did think it was worth it. Even when she thought to draw back to stare at him he held her to him, extending the kiss. She got more from his mind...fear, longing, desire, intense loneliness, and exhaustion. Confused, she looked deeper, and sensed a calculated attempt to distract her.

From what? She felt so dazed. Then she realized she was dazed. Trying to focus, she found it impossible. What was he hiding? She felt so weak. Was she ill? She broke the kiss, trying to sit up and found that impossible too.

"I love you," Rodimus said. It sounded like the first (or the last) time. There were tears (tears!) in his eyes. She gaped up at him. What in the hell was he wearing? This wasn't their cave! Her shoulder HURT! She struggled to put it all together but it unraveled as she fell, still fighting, to sleep.

Rodimus stood over her, letting the tears fall unnoticed as he stared down at her.

"She's going to be fine, son," Dr. Winston said, putting down the syringe, and readjusting her IV. "Excellent job distracting her by the way. This sedative should see her through the last of that fever."

Rodimus just looked at him mutely as if he didn't understand what the man was referring to. "Yes," Rodimus finally whispered mostly to himself, "and then she's going to leave again."

Optimus had asked to be informed the moment Rodimus woke and entered the ward few minutes later. He found Rodimus still standing over Lancer, still weeping silently. The doctor explained to Optimus what had happened. Rodi took no notice of either of them.

"Can you give us a few minutes?" Optimus asked.

"Yes. She's finally out of the woods, I think. She should wake up for real in the next few days. I can hardly believe I'm saying this but she really is going to be fine. He doesn't seem too pleased about it though."

"Thank you, doctor," Optimus said. The man merely nodded, and left. "Rodimus..?" Optimus tried, but was interrupted by a barely audible whisper.

"She's going to leave again," Rodimus said. His voice held a universe of despair.

"Now Rodi..."

"DON'T! Don't patronize me Optimus!" Rodimus threw his partner an angry look that did nothing to stop the flow of tears. "She IS going to leave again, and there is nothing I can do!" A strangled sob escaped him. He seemed surprised, touched the wetness on his cheeks and seemed more surprised. Then he shrugged and stared down at Lancer. In that moment he hated her for the pain she would cause him.

"You'll find a way to convince her," Optimus said confidently.

Rodi threw him another bitter glare. "I couldn't convince her before and I can't now. Nothing. Nothing means more to me, and I can't do it!"

"Rodi, you shouldn't talk that way!"

"It's the truth isn't it?!" Rodimus deliberately echoed Lancer's earlier words to him, and continued with a faint snarl. "How can I convince her to stay? She believes she's the worst thing to ever happen to me! Ever! Maybe I should wish for her to love me less so she won't mind so much if she's bad for me! We are linked. She knows everything I think and about her and it doesn't make any difference at all!" Rodimus gave Optimus another angry, challenging stare. "So you tell me, Keeper of All Wisdom, what more can I do to 'convince' her? What strategy can I employ? I have never been so helpless. When the Jabez had us I had options if I could have gotten a hand free. Just one hand and I could have done something. Well, my hands aren't tied now Optimus. I've been free from the start to explore all of my options. I've given it everything I have and nothing has changed. I may as well accept it."

His head dropped and he sobbed once again and shuddered. Optimus was stunned-he'd never seen Rodimus break down like this even when he'd been very young. Well, at barely thirty years old, Rodi was still very young by Optimus' standards but still... Optimus wanted to reach out to his friend and had a sudden understanding of Rodi's need to be human right now. Being so large had its disadvantages. He sat down on the floor as close as he could, wishing it were closer.

"For a moment..." Rodimus whispered, as if to himself, "It was like we were together again. She didn't know where she was and she let her mind touch mine. I had this crazy thought, if she could just stay sick and confused...maybe...maybe.."

"TK Maybe you ought to get yourself under control, male," said an amused, but understanding voice from the doorway.

"P...Pagan?" Rodimus said.

"So," she said (not hissing at all although Optimus half-expected her to.) "It is true. You do 'remember' us on sight."

"Y...Yes," Rodimus said, trying to pull himself together. He failed. Pagan's presence stirred up too many memories and reminded him too keenly of what he felt certain he was losing.

"TK Silly male. Claudia can feel you all the way from the Maelstrom. She says anyone in this quadrant with a dash of empathy can probably feel you."

"I... I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt her."

Pagan clicked her lips.. "No Rodimus, we are sorry. Sorry for doubting you and not offering more support. Our final reservations were lost when she woke up. Our Lancer loves you silly male. Claudia felt that too. Now that we are certain of that we will use it against her most mercilessly." She moved with liquid grace and pushed Rodimus into sitting next to Lancer on the bed. She cocked her head at him as if studying him.

"I think perhaps you are too tired to think clearly. I must assume you are brighter than you seem as Lancer values intelligence. Now then. She seemed to respect my opinion, yes?"

"Yeah, she does."

"Do you think you can do the same silly male?"

Rodimus smiled faintly, and nodded.

"You are forgetting many things. First of all, your hatchling. Lancer was willing to bring her to meet you, so Lancer can't be totally averse to seeing you herself. Next, you are forgetting what her possession did to her." Rodimus started to sputter a protest but Pagan cut him off. "It HURT her, silly male and hurts heal eventually. She is not without intelligence. She will figure it out sooner or later. It is not that your strength isn't adequate to help her. Your time together has not been long enough. I heard what you said about showing her your feelings. Show her again. And again. Show her until she understands them! You must wear down her pain until it heals."

"Last, you are forgetting to turn your foe's strength against itself. She does not want to hurt you. Make that work for you! Prove to her that leaving will hurt more than staying. She will stay. Maybe it will give you the time you need to heal her. There. It is all very simple, silly male."

Rodimus laughed wanly. "Well since you put it that way," he mused.

Pagan gave him a smile full of short, sharp teeth. "I meant what I said about helping you. We love her too. She has been alone too long. It is good to be mated. Perhaps there will be healing soon of hurts deeper than meat."

"Perhaps," said Rodimus.

"TK" Pagan clacked her lips at him, and gave him a disapproving smirk, but said nothing more. She turned, swished her tail in farewell and left without once acknowledging Optimus. He shook his head and smiled to himself - he was starting to get used to being snubbed.

Rodi looked up at his partner, and shrugged, "Don't look at me. Lancer doesn't understand her either."

"She had some good points," Optimus said.

"I hope so," Rodimus said. He meant it, but didn't think his hope had much of a chance. He was simply too exhausted for optimism.

Rodimus spent the day by Lancer's side playing with Edana. The baby looked silly in the "sun-glasses" KC and Perceptor had invented but she seemed much happier. She smiled and giggled constantly. The continuous wailing seemed totally foreign to her now that her over-sensitive eyes weren't being bombarded with every form of transmission in addition to the normal visible spectrum. Rodimus was unbelievably grateful to KC for figuring out what was wrong with her. It didn't take much to imagine how painfully blinding this world would be to someone who "saw" most forms of energy. He shook his head, wondering how his daughter's abilities would affect her life. It was no surprise she was a mutant but he almost wished she wasn't. He knew, as Lancer knew, that children who exhibit power as infants were more likely to be exceptionally powerful as adults. Rodimus didn't want his child to be defenseless but he knew Edana's mutancy would always make her a target. He held the baby close, trying not to imagine her in Jabez hands and failing miserably.

He tended to her himself, subconsciously drawing what he needed to know from Lancer's memories. Carly checked in on them and found both Rodi and Edana asleep in the chair next to Lancer's bedside. She smiled and left them undisturbed, grateful for the quiet at last.

Lancer slept late into the next day but her fever finally vanished mid-morning and by noon she had achieved normal sleep. Rodimus paced and fretted. He finally felt physically well, but was too worried to appreciate it.

About 1:20 Earth-time, Pagan, Talon, and Jordan came in.

"Claudia says she will waken very soon," Jordan intoned quietly.

"Yes, I think she will," Rodi agreed in a whisper.

"Good," said Pagan, "we are here to outnumber her reservations."

"Thanks," Rodimus said.

"No problem, Red," Talon grunted, "anyone about to argue with 'Her Stubbornness' needs all the backup they can get."

Rodimus smiled as they made themselves comfortable. He smiled more as Talon fussed over the baby.

"This kid's got cooler shades than anybody has a right to," the man observed jealously. "She gonna break hearts too."

"Only if Lancer trains her well," Pagan said. "Breaking a heart takes precise aim and power.

"It's an expression Pagan. It means she's beautiful."

"TK If something is beautiful why not just say so? Humans. You never say what you mean. No wonder you don't get along with each other," Pagan observed haughtily.

Talon rolled his eyes at Rodi, "Can you explain it to her?"

"Don't look at me," Rodimus said, "I'm not human either."

"Hmmph," Talon grunted.

Elita walked up to the door and knocked politely. She seemed surprised at all the company.

"Come on in Elita," Rodi said.

"Are you sure?" She asked uncertainly.

"Yeah. The more people there are the less likely she is to kill me outright," Rodimus observed; only half-kidding.

"Wouldn't bet on that, Red," Talon quipped, "But you're right, can't hurt either."

Elita gave Rodimus a once-over.

"I'm not used to you like this," she said," but you look stronger today than you have in a long time."

Rodi smiled. "I hope I'm strong enough." Lancer stirred and his face lost any trace of humor. "We're about to find out," he said, moving to sit on her bedside. He knew there would be no drugged confusion on her part today.

Lancer felt the pain in her shoulder first. She remembered the fight, the spear, what she'd been holding.

"EDANA!" Lancer roared -fully awake, fully demonic - as she exploded up and got ready to spring. Lancer was expecting a fight. What she saw instead paralyzed her in terror like she'd never known.

Rodimus smiled at her nervously and tried to calm her fears.

"Edana's OK Lancer. She's right over there."

Talon smirked, and held up the squirming infant. Lancer didn't return his smile or even question why Edana had on sunglasses. She turned on the source of her terror.

"YOU!" she growled. "What the fuck have you done to yourself?!" Her snarl carried down the hall. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" she shrieked even louder and then grabbed Rodimus by the throat.

Rodimus didn't struggle. He just stared at her. She wasn't really choking him and he could feel her hand trembling. "It will be easier to talk to you when I can breath," he managed to croak. She continued to stare at him, petrified and enraged, but finally her hand dropped away from his neck. She used it to clutch her wounded shoulder instead since she was once again becoming aware of the pain. She hissed in agony.

Rodimus reached for her and she jerked away, gritting her teeth as the motion hurt her more. Rodi withdrew his hands and waited. "Why?" she finally grated.

"That's why," he said, nodding at her shoulder, "that and the baby."

It was a moment of profound shock for Lancer. He knew. After over a year of agonizing separation, after fighting to keep the knowledge of their child from seeping into his mind, after long months of weighing his right to know against the safety of the baby and her fear for his soul, he finally knew. Irrational terrors born on too many lonely nights paraded through her thoughts. Fear that he'd hate her and by extension the baby surged through her, and she fell back against the pillows. Her body shuddered. She didn't think she deserved his love but she was absolutely terrified of his hatred.

They were within arms reach and she wasn't concentrating on blocking these feelings so Rodimus knew immediately what she was thinking and was hurt by it.

He locked eyes with her and said, "How could you think that of me? Do you really think I could hate her? Or you?"

Lancer looked down, "I'm sorry...for everything..."

"Look at me," he urged, unconsciously reaching for her again.

"No! NO!" she shouted, flinching away from his touch. "Rodimus leave me alone! Get away from me!"

Pagan gave a disgusted TK but Lancer was oblivious.

Rodimus dropped his hands again, and turned away. "I will go if you insist. I'll never come back here. Once you heal you can leave and we can start this whole insane separation all over again...and we can die in the attempt."

Lancer scowled suspiciously and momentarily wondered if he was trying to trick her into returning. The emotions she was sensing told her otherwise. She felt his pain, his resignation, and under it all a sneaking relief that he was to die. Still, she wasn't ready to just accept his statement.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Eyes still averted, he said, "you know. You have to know we were dying. The wall took more than we had. It leeched our life forces and nearly killed us every time we fixed a crack."

Lancer stared at the side of his face, flawless now, all the old familiar scars erased by his return to his native forms. Still she felt her resolve waver and unconsciously went to take his hand to comfort him. As she did she caught sight of her own taloned fingertips. All of her fears, her distrust of herself, all her reasons for leaving resurfaced. Awareness of her faltering resolve brought on another wave of fury fueled by panic. Lancer embraced her rage for once. If she could just sustain it he couldn't talk her into what she wanted. She wanted to stay so badly that she was afraid she'd take any excuse he gave her.

Rodi trembled at the force of the irrational surge of fear and anger. Again he wondered how he could possibly outmaneuver her convictions. She mentally and physically pulled away from him and he sensed a gulf wider than all the light years she'd tried to put between them. He was certain he'd never reach her. The last few traces of hope died within him and he yielded completely to despair.

Twice before in his short lifetime he'd given into this depression and nearly died of it both times. He'd let Galvatron rip up his circuits the first and leaned into Jabez cutters the second. This time was different since he recognized the depression for what it was. Duty-be-damned. He still didn't care.

There wasn't any visible change in his outward demeanor but there were those who sensed the difference. On Maelstrom Claudia shuddered and tried to wrap wings she no longer possessed around her body. Optimus who'd come running in after Lancer's first roar shuddered too. He didn't know if he was sensing something through the Matrix or if it was just the fact that he knew Rodimus better than anyone. He knew. He knew with such certainty that it was almost as if Rodi were already dead. Without hope Rodimus would simply wither, making a token effort to stay alive until an enemy's strike hit home. It wouldn't exactly be suicide but the results would be the same.

Lancer looked into his flat, murky, lifeless eyes. That apathetic sheen was only too familiar. How many nights had she spent trying to coax and goad him out of that death-like trance? She'd lost track. He'd been a stitched up jigsaw-puzzle then, his body and mind in pieces. She hadn't let him give in then...forcing him on, day by day, until his body healed enough and his mind regained its perspective. What she hadn't counted on was the effect his reemerging psyche would have on her own soul. Lancer's fear of her potential corruption fueled her desire to return him to his people. She couldn't imagine anything she could do that would override his potential to make up for it. She couldn't let him die then. Were things so different now?

Rodi's sense of responsibility towards his people had infected her long ago but that didn't help her decide. If she corrupted him...but then he wouldn't do much good dead.

"I don't know what to do, Rodimus. If I stay and its wrong, I don't think I have the strength to leave again."

"It isn't wrong."

"You can't be sure of that, Rodimus Prime. You can't be sure."

"Nothing's ever sure. You taught me that. What are you going to do? Do you think we can see each other often like this?"

"No."

"Are you ever going to let me see Edana if you go?" Rodimus asked this last question as if it were his last hope in the world and he didn't expect to achieve it.

Lancer simply stared at him. Rodimus stared back.

"You can't leave her behind, she needs you," he said.

"I know."

"I need you too," he said softly, suddenly wishing the others would just leave.

"You're a big boy! Deal with it!" Lancer felt cornered. Her resolve was crumbling, her rationale was under attack, the barrier she tried to throw between them was a tissue thin absurdity. His anguish felt like coercion to her and she fell back on her last line of defense. Rage.

"Damn you!" she shrieked. "I should have killed you when I had the chance!" She ripped the IV out of her arm, coming up on her toes in a half crouch on the bed. Her tail whipped violently.

Talon made a move towards her but Pagan held him back. The raw power of the Drazi's grip always awed the big man. Just her firm hand on his shoulder reminded him of the men he'd seen her tear in two like tissue. She threw the Autobots a stern glance and saw they had sense enough to stay quiet. Interference now wouldn't help.

Rodimus didn't move other than to raise his chin defiantly. His eyes began blazing cold green and he didn't flinch from Lancer's glowing stare. He matched her rage for rage.

Speaking with all the bitterness and fury in his soul he whispered, " Yes, Lancer. You should have killed me." His voice was like a whip of ice, blaming her for all the suffering which could have been cleanly ended. All her fault, his pain, she'd forced him to live, forced him to start caring again. In those same, frozen, evil tones he challenged her, leaning forward until he was bare inches from her bared fangs. "Why not do it now?"

She hissed, beyond speech. Her powers flared wildly, the slightest release and both of them would be dust. He continued to stare fearlessly, leaving her the choice. He didn't care what she did and was internally gleeful that nothing the others could do to intervene would help.

Lancer's body shuddered with barely restrained energy and anger. The white arcs of power surged up and down her body, arcing from the monitors and the lights as she unconsciously drew more power to her.

Then, it all just vanished. She curled up sobbing, her knees drawn up to hide her face as much as her bandages would allow.

"I can't," she whispered. "I can't." Rodimus drew closer and wrapped his arms around her as she cried. She didn't look up but she leaned into his embrace.

"Why not?" Rodimus made sure he whispered to her alone. His eyes were closed.

"I love you," was all she said. It was a strangled sentence that snuck past all her defenses. Once said she was lost and she knew it. She couldn't kill him. She couldn't let him die.

He didn't answer. He didn't need to. He simply lifted her chin with his fingertips and kissed her. She felt his joy as they pulled down the last remnants of their shield and she gasped at the flood of energy. Only then did she fully realize how insidious and deadly the barrier had become. The familiar murmur of his thoughts flooded her mind and she wasn't even jealous so many of them applied to another woman.

"Edana?" Lancer pulled up from Rodi's embrace. He was smiling. Lancer moved to get up for her daughter and flinched at the sounds of protest from every side. She blinked, suddenly reminded there was a roomful of witnesses. A pair of shaken Autobots, a panicky nurse, Pagan looking too smug for Lancer's comfort, unreadable Jordan, and a slightly sweaty Talon who was holding her daughter. She hated to think about what they'd just seen.

Can't deny me my back-up, Lady-assassin. Rodimus sent at her with a mental smirk.

The baby had gone from a full blown wail, to a relaxed gurgle in the space of a few seconds. Talon was mystified. He also wondered why Jordan had seemed more interested in the baby than her parent's little skirmish. Now Jordan seemed to nod to himself as Edana sat there happily trying to eat her own hand.

Lancer went to get up for her again but was stopped by Rodi's gentle grasp on her right arm. She can be brought to you, he sent.

"There's nothing wrong with my legs," she answered testily aloud. Talon rolled his eyes, and brought the baby over. Lancer yelped as an elderly, bespectacled black man stepped up from behind her line of sight. She'd had no idea he was even there.

"Young woman," Dr. Winston said firmly, pushing his spectacles up his nose, "You've had far too much exercise already in the first ten minutes you've been awake. I have just spent two of the most trying weeks of my career putting that body back together. Kindly respect my efforts and leave it in one piece for a while. You are confined to complete bed-rest until further notice." He softened his last statement with a gentle smile and began firing questions at her about how much she could feel her arm and wiggle her fingers.

Talon handed Edana to Rodimus while the doctor had Lancer on the ropes. Rodi smiled his thanks.

Talon leaned down and whispered "You've got balls of pure titanium facing her down that way."

Rodimus merely smiled in answer, but it was a false smile. Talon and the others might think he'd been bluffing but Rodimus hadn't forced the confrontation as a ploy to persuade her. It hadn't been a ruse. It wouldn't have worked if it had been. He'd been ready to die, and she'd known it. Glancing up at his scowling partner, Rodimus realized with resignation that Optimus had known it as well. There'd be a confrontation over this later, Rodi could see it in Prime's optics. Shit, Optimus had never looked so huge.

The inevitable grilling didn't do too much to dampen his joy, and he knew that Optimus was happy for him. All things considered, a grilling was a small price to pay. Rodi simply concentrated on his daughter, patiently waiting for Dr. Winston to finish with his mate. He only half-heard the questions, relishing instead the light brush of her thoughts past his own and the solid weight of the baby.

He was playing with Edana's toes again when the doctor said, "Perversely I'm glad for your pain Lancer. It shows your major nerves remain intact and that the damage was much less than it should have been."

"I've got heavy-duty nerves," she said with an embarrassed smile.

When Rodimus looked up, Lancer was staring at him yet again.

"What?" he smiled. She had the oddest expression on her face.

"I...I never thought I'd see you with her," she said. She still wasn't quite ready to confront the sunglasses. They spent several moments just staring at each other while Dr. Winston replaced her IV. She didn't even feel it.

Talon coughed uncomfortably. "We'd better get out of here before these two start talking about settin' up house in a parking' garage."

Rodimus groaned in pain and Lancer gave Talon her usual response, a small lance aimed just to the side of his head. Lancer's friends laughed, and the female Autobot, ( Elita , sent Rodi) shook her head and smiled. Elita took Optimus' hand and pulled him toward the door.

"I'll talk to you about this later Rodimus," Optimus said as they left, "And I'll let the others know you're both OK."

"Thanks Optimus," Rodi said.

I owe him an apology Lancer sent.

It's OK. He understands. 

"Time for a rest young woman," her doctor informed her.

"I can't possibly sleep now!" Lancer exclaimed, "we've got too much catching up to do! Why are you smirking?" She glared at Rodimus.

He openly grinned at her. "You're really out of it," he said with a smile, "Doc just drugged your IV and you didn't even notice!"

"oh," she said, mortified.

"It's OK, You'll feel better soon," Rodimus said. He kissed her, and as he did, she fell asleep.

Rodimus smiled down at her, Edana still in his arms. He gave the doctor a grateful smile and said, "Now comes the really hard part."

Dr. Winston raised his eyebrows, "Oh, what's that?"

"Keeping her in bed long enough to really get better!"

"Oh," said Dr. Winston with a mischievous glint in his eye, "I'm sure you'll think of something."

Aftermath

Lancer woke afraid, but not alone.

That's what made her most afraid.

She had been dreaming of her possession again, of being speared, of the death of her baby, and of Rodimus.

Rodimus.

He was at her side immediately, stroking her sweating forehead and hands, reassuring her with his voice, and with his soft, mental touch, more intimate and caressing than his hands could ever hope to be.

She was so frightened.

The bond between them still hurt a little from the months of self-induced separation but it was the welcomed pain of healing now. She felt good in a way; better than she had since they'd put up the first of those vain shields. It felt so natural to have him there, to let him cradle her aching body to his, and give her aching soul solace, but it wasn't.

Lancer wept weakly.

The rage which had given her strength the day before was gone and she now felt her injuries, body and soul, to their fullest. She had surrendered and now the only thing left was the fear.

Rodimus held her helplessly and rocked her a little. He sensed both her need for him to be close and the terror of his closeness. She was even dismayed by his human arms around her, because they represented the lengths he would go to to be with her. Lancer didn't think he should want to be human for her sake or take such risks on her account. She viewed his humanity as an aberration of his true nature. His arms were atrocities. At the same time, he sensed she needed him to hold her.

He didn't know what to do for her as she clung to him and cried like a sick child. He was happy she was going to stay but he couldn't ease her fears. She was only staying because she knew they would both die if she didn't. None of her reasons for leaving in the first place had been answered. The terror she felt for him had been strong enough to drive her away and to live a perilous, hunted life alone. She had been willing to make a suicide run on the Jabez for this fear until she realized she was pregnant. She had struggled in hiding through her entire pregnancy and had given birth unaided; keeping herself and their baby alive in conditions most people would consider torturous. All because of this fear.

On and on she cried, with eyes glazed and feverish. The pain-killers weren't helping her calm down, and Rodimus shuddered as wave after wave of misery swept from her mind into his. He felt the tears start in his own eyes. He wanted her but not like this, which was why he'd helped her hold the painful shields between them for months on end. Now, he couldn't even give her that much comfort. It hurt him. Her emotions had the same trapped desperation he'd felt in the torture chamber and she twisted in the bonds of their link just as frantically. She didn't just want out. She needed to get out...and couldn't. The despair was shared between them. Their love for each other was deep and genuine, it should have made them happy, but its power only made this pain keener.

Lancer felt his sorrow and was sorry. She didn't mean to hurt him. That was the point.

Rodimus felt her pain and wished he could do something to counter it.

None of this made it any easier.

Optimus Prime stepped cheerfully into the doorway. He had been quietly celebrating since the previous day; thinking the problems were all solved with Lancer's surrender. He froze in the threshold when Rodimus looked up from where he cradled his sobbing mate and threw Optimus a look which told the senior Prime not to interfere.

Stunned by the anguish in his partner's eyes, Optimus backed out of the room and leaned against the wall. He wondered what could be going on that overwhelmed even Rodi's' ability to hide pain. Optimus had thought bringing Lancer and Rodimus back together would be the solution to the soul-sickness he sometimes sensed in his young friend, basing this judgment on the changes in himself when he and Elita were reunited. Had he been wrong? Had all his efforts only served to make things worse? How could anything be worse than that draining wall or Rodi's engulfing loneliness? He crept away (as quietly as an Autobot could anyway) to find Elita and think.

"I can't stand this! I can't!" Lancer said, her voice muffled into Rodi's shoulder. The words were just a small explosion; an unconscious, inadequate release of the agonizing pressure she was feeling. The words weren't really for Rodimus to hear, she simply had no choice but to speak them. He knew already. He felt it, and agreed. Her hopelessness was unbearable. They faced living with this pain until one of them died, their only option had proved a dismal failure, and neither of them had any more ideas. The worst part was the dichotomy. One side of their souls was so overwhelmed by joy at being together. Dropping the wall had released them from so much suffering and neither of them had lived a moment without missing the other in the year they'd been apart.

At the same time the fear fed off of the happiness like a leech, draining it, and growing fat on it. They both hated it and would have done anything to be rid of it but neither knew how.

On the Maelstrom, Jordan found his friend and sometimes mate curled up on the floor, quaking.

Their people were naturally empathic, and had considerable range. Usually protecting themselves from damaging emotions was entirely natural as well, but Claudia had suffered minor brain-damage in a brutal slaver attack. They had taken her, raped her for hours, and cut off her wings. Jordan had been forced to watch. The head trauma she suffered during the attack had left her unable to shield herself and she was feeling Lancer's anguish even from the Maelstrom's orbit over Central.

Jordan felt nothing.

In his effort to shield himself from his mate's pain he had somehow shut his own empathy off completely.

Neither of them could even return to their home-world in this state. She was too vulnerable and he was no longer able to communicate except verbally. They remained with those who rescued them, hoping to someday find a cure for themselves and the curse of the Jabez slave trade.

Jordan spent a long time trying to help Claudia regain control, but ended up sedating her. He watched her while she fell to sleep, feeling sorry for her and for the people he knew she was sensing. Suddenly, he drew himself to his full 8-foot height in horror. He knew someone else would be feeling this too. Someone who was closer to the people in question physically and emotionally, and who had even fewer defenses than Claudia did. He flew, literally, out of the ship and into Central, ignoring all the shouts from Autobot sentries on the way. They knew who he was and if they decided to start shooting they would only succeed in damaging their own base. He didn't care. He was only angry with himself for not thinking of this sooner and hoped there wouldn't be too much harm done.

Lancer's tears (although not her sorrow) were running dry when Jordan flew in carrying her wailing daughter. Edana's face was blotchy and her cries were more like a series of severe hiccups. Jordan had practically snatched the baby out of mystified Carly's arms. He debated taking her to the Maelstrom and leaving orbit but decided it might be better to confront the problem now, so that her parents could see what they were doing to their child. As he'd hoped, both Rodimus and Lancer oriented on their daughter the minute they heard her and he could see her pain drop a degree the minute they quit obsessing on themselves. They gave Jordan identical confused stares as he landed and handed them their baby.

"Edana?!" Lancer cried, frightened by her daughter's rigid posture, her swollen eyes, and pale, red-splotched complexion. There was no doubt in Lancer's mind that Edana was in pain.

"W...What's the matter with her?" Rodimus asked, looking from his mate to Jordan for answers. Jordan didn't need his lost empathy to tell him the father was confused and afraid.

"I don't know!" Lancer sobbed as she scanned her child with her eyes and powers.

"I do," Jordan said, although Rodimus had to get the "translation" from Lancer's mind. It had taken her a long time to be able to hear the words in Jordan and Claudia's tonal speech. Their windpipes didn't work like a human's - functioning more like pipe organs- and while they both spoke human English, it was hard for Jordan and Claudia to form syllables clearly. Both young parents were suddenly all ears though.

"Your daughter," Jordan said, in his frustratingly slow fashion, "is empathic, like Claudia and I... like Claudia is. She is in distress because you are in distress. I had to drug Claudia," he went on, "and it is sure to be worse for the hatchling because she is incapable of shielding yet, and because you are her parents." Jordan's people had never mastered the art of softening news - amongst a race of empaths it was a useless art. Lancer and Rodimus both went extremely pale.

"Y..You mean, whatever emotions anyone around here feels, she picks up on?" Rodimus asked, his voice rising in horror. He felt sick fear for his child. On this planet of war there were so many damaged psyches...Lancer's and his own not being the least of them.

Edana's wailing stepped up a notch, and he gasped in guilt and shock. How could he control his fear for her?! How could he stop hurting her? Would they have to send her away for her own protection? Would he never be able to spend time with his daughter for fear of harming her? These thoughts did nothing to lessen his terror or Lancer's.

"Stop that!" Jordan commanded. "Your thoughts run in circles, feeding of themselves! I need no senses save my eyes to see this and your offspring has better senses than eyes!"

"But how can we help her?" Lancer asked desperately, 'Will we have to isolate her?"

Jordan first response to this was pure rage. On his world, complete isolation was a means of executing the worst criminals. It was the cruelest form of torture and to suggest doing it to an infant... but he knew the question was asked in ignorance. He took a moment composing himself and then answered her calmly. "To do so would drive her insane, Lancer. All empaths learn early how to shield and so will she. My people are careful to control themselves around the very young and so must you until she learns. To isolate her would be like putting her in a box with no light and no air. You must learn to be gentle with her feelings as you are with her body, that is all."

"But.." Rodimus said, "There is so much emotional pain around here! We are at war! So many of us have suffered so much!"

"And you would have your daughter remain innocent of all suffering?" Jordan asked gently. He could see from the way Rodimus stiffened that that was exactly what the young warrior wanted. The very idea that his child ever know pain was completely unacceptable to him. Jordan was glad his face never changed expression, he had a feeling Rodimus would take a smile the wrong way right now.

"You can not prevent her from knowing pain, my young friend. She knows it already." Jordan told him. He saw that piece of news hit home. Rodimus' eyes went from blazing green to a sad, murky aqua. Jordan decided he rather liked Lancer's soul-bound at that moment. Rodimus was rather charmingly innocent.

"What do we do?" Lancer whispered.

"You, you especially Lancer, learn to live in the moment and stop wallowing in your self-indulgent fears!" Jordan said firmly. "You are spoiled, thinking that you and your relationship must be perfect before you will accept either. Selfish with yourself, that's what you are. This man wants to be with you! Your friends on the ship want to be with you but you deny them for your own petty reasons!"

"But..." Lancer started, "I'm trying to protect them!"

"Oh, yes," Jordan said, "And who are you to claim we need protection little one? I am much older and better than you at judging threats to myself and you are arrogant to assume you amongst them! You are no threat to me, young human, save that you sometimes hurt me with your absence."

Rodimus smiled a little at that remark, and at Lancer's stunned expression at being called selfish, spoiled, petty, and arrogant.

"But...I might kill you in a rage..." Lancer said, looking wide-eyed and pale.

"Ah..So I am incapable of defending myself then? Or perhaps you think I am never to die. I suppose Claudia and Kain will be fooled by you as well or will fail to warn us of your treachery for reasons of their own. Your mate must also be a complete fool if you think he would not know it if your soul turned."

Rodimus' smile quirked a little higher. "You won't win any points with that last one Jordan. She does think I'm a complete fool but you're doing all right otherwise."

Lancer scowled over her shoulder at him and elbowed him in the gut. She didn't think about it but it was a natural response she'd used often when he was being a pain during their first months together.

"Ow!" Rodimus said, more to needle her than in response to the hit. She never really hurt him unless they were practicing. He chuckled a little, and Lancer had to smile. The familiar exchange helped them both to relax a slight hair and really listen to what Jordan was telling them.

"Overreacting to this news is not productive." Jordan told them calmly. "After all, it is only new to you, not to her. She was probably picking up on your emotions before she was born Lancer. It is natural to her. She only responds strongly when you are 'obsessing', as Claudia calls it. As you see, she has already relaxed now that you are thinking about other things, even though you are both still upset. It is like the difference between her hearing a mildly raised voice in the distance and someone shouting in her face. Your emotions, whether positive or negative are not really the issue until she learns to interpret them. It's the 'volume' you must learn to control."

"And when she does learn to interpret them?" Rodimus asked in concern.

"By the time she is that age, she will no doubt also have learned how to shield herself."

Rodimus nodded thoughtfully, while Lancer fussed over Edana. The baby relaxed and fell into a boneless, exhausted sleep. It startled Lancer a little that the baby could even stand to be near her if she was empathic.

Rodimus, sensing this, sent Has she ever seemed afraid or repelled by you? 

Lancer thought back, and Rodimus had a brief look into her life with the baby before she was speared. It was enough to make him greedy for more - he already felt profound regret that he hadn't been there from the start. Lancer opened her memories to him with a heartfelt apology and a bit of gladness that this at least she could make up for a little. Rodimus took what she gave him with a sense of wonder. It was almost (but not quite) like he'd really been there. They didn't share everything right away because Jordan was waiting, but Rodimus knew the rest would come soon enough, and was satisfied for the moment. The one thing he never failed to point out to his mate was that there was not one single memory of the baby being anything less than trusting, or even uncomfortable with her mother. At least not until the moment when Rodi's anger had sent Lancer into the rage which had caused her to lose control of her powers and led the bounty-hunters to her. Thinking about it, Rodimus also realized that Edana was even fairly comfortable around him, even when Lancer had still been in danger from her wounds.

Both parents had lots of questions, which Jordan answered as best he could. Edana was still a human and he couldn't predict her development as closely as if she'd been one of his own kind, but he could give Rodi and Lancer some margin of comfort and guidance. He was also glad to see Lancer making a concentrated effort to not just control but change her mood for the sake of her daughter. Jordan had a feeling Rodimus would suffer as much or worse than Edana if that Lancer didn't find some means of control. Finally, they ran out of questions (for the moment) and Jordan could see Lancer's exhaustion.

"I'll leave you to discuss things," he said formally, and slipped out in his quiet fashion, leaving Lancer and Rodimus to really face each other for the first time.

I really missed you, Rodimus sent, conveying the same message in many contexts. Slipping up on the bed with her, he encouraged her to lean on him so he could wrap her up in both the blankets and his arms. He had missed her, and not just because the shields were such a strain. There had been moments he had wanted her advice, others he had wanted her encouragement, her support. Sometimes he had missed her body, and was only now once again appreciating how much more sensation he could feel as a human. His robot form had seemed so cold and alien for a long time, and it had taken an effort of will not to dwell on the soft human contact he never thought he'd experience again. Things as simple as seeing his human friends hold hands had been hard for him. Worst of all though, were the few moments he had been at peace or enjoying himself and wished she'd had been with him to share it. Little things like a song, a sunset, or a thunderstorm had caught his attention because he'd known she would have appreciated them.

She returned these feelings wholeheartedly. She shared her pregnancy with him and wonder and terror it had brought out in her. They remembered together the night she'd given birth, although from his point of view it had just been an incredibly hard day to keep himself from breaching the wall to help her. His obvious pain had caused a furor at the conference table and he'd finally decided to run. Using assassin's tactics, he'd hidden himself in the tunnels under Central and struggled with himself, fighting the need to reach out to his mate, if only to find out what was wrong. Only the fact that he'd felt none of the rage he expected if she was being tortured kept him from snapping. Now she could only regret having put him through such fear. It had also apparently been the final straw for Optimus, who had hounded Rodi without mercy from that moment on.

Apologizing seemed inadequate to Lancer, but it was all she could do. They spent a long time together.

Lancer tried to just let herself regain the comfort she had always found in his arms during their first months together. Then she had let herself enjoy him because she could tell herself she would be leaving before any damage was done. She vowed to keep searching for a "cure" for their link, and while she felt Rodi's acute pain over the thought, it also gave her the hope she needed to relax. Rodimus sighed and resigned himself to her need to search for an escape. It would always hurt him that she wanted to leave so badly but it was better to let her tell herself she would free him eventually than feel that crushing desperation she felt when she thought she was trapped. The conversation between them became less and less verbal as they readjusted to the link between them. It was less painful now that Lancer was no longer struggling to pull free.

Finally, Lancer's doctor came in to check her progress, and the nurses changed the bandages. They re-administered pain-killers into Lancer's IV in spite of her request that they leave her alone. She was too tired to really argue about it and they went ahead with the injection. She sent irritable things at Rodimus who just smiled at her affectionately as the things she sent made less and less sense. The idea that she would get him back for it later was the last coherent thing to come through and it only made him smile wider. Of course she would get him back for it and he was glad she would be there to do it. He held her as long as she stayed awake, and then returned Edana to her crib as well. It took him a while to convince Carly that everything was all right, especially after he told her why Jordan had taken the baby in the first place.

He headed for Perceptor's lab. Optimus and he had had an argument the day before about his returning to duty so soon, but Rodimus had insisted because he knew Lancer would only get more upset if he "wasted time on her." By the time Perceptor had him back in robot form Optimus was pacing outside the chamber. Rodimus could sense an inquisition a mile off.

"Rodimus...?" Optimus asked, as his partner stepped wearily out of the chamber. The elder Prime stopped, unsure of how to continue. Rodi sighed.

"Let's take it somewhere private, OK?" Rodi asked. He made no attempt to hide his state of mind, a fact which plainly shocked his partner. Rodimus felt anger as they headed for Op's office.

Optimus had turned on him before the door was even fully shut.

"WHY? Why are you so upset and angry? Why are you so sad? She's back! She's going to stay! Isn't that what you wanted?"

Rodimus glared at him furiously.

"Rodi...? We found her for you!" Optimus was completely confused by Rodi's attitude.

"No one asked you to," he said coldly.

"But...you aren't glad?"

"GLAD?! Why would I be glad? Glad to know the woman I love would rather die than be with me? Glad that she's crazy with desperation to get away from me? Glad she feels like she's trapped by me? Glad to know there's not a thing I can do to make her happy? Oh yeah, Op. I'm delighted. Thanks so much for hunting her down like an animal and putting her in this snare with me. Thanks for going against everything I asked of you! Thanks for putting my empathic child in the middle of this war-zone! Really. I can't fucking thank you enough!"

Optimus merely stared at him. "Edana's empathic?" he finally whispered.

"Yeah. Jordan told us. She's receptive to any powerful emotion within miles, maybe more. We won't know for sure until she's older."

"By the Matrix..."

"Not hardly!" Rodimus snapped.

"I thought I was helping you!" Optimus said meekly.

"YOU THOUGHT!? Really? Did you think I didn't know what I was doing? Did you think I had no say in what was going on? Or did you just think you knew better than I did about my mate and my relationship? That's just great Optimus! And when exactly are you going to learn to trust my judgment? When do I get to make my own fucking decisions about my life? Do you suppose maybe I had reasons for letting her go?! That maybe the reason I kept asking you to stay out of it was because I wanted you to stay out of it?! Are you ever going to respect my wishes or are you just going keep trying to run my life?!"

"But...you were so miserable without her..."

"YEAH! And now I'm miserable with her because she's miserable... which is worse!"

"But..."

"BUT NOTHING! YOU SCREWED UP! AND WE ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES! Is there anything else you'd like to do to me Optimus? Are there any other life-long torments you'd like to pile on my head? Are you done with me yet? Tell me is it a personal vendetta or are you just that inconsiderate?" Rodimus started off shouting, but finished with a hiss that would have made Pagan proud.

Optimus sat frozen in his seat by the scorn, and yes, the hatred in his partner's voice. Even the Matrix was responding, projecting Rodi's emotions faintly through the link. The fact that Optimus could feel them at all told him how deeply Rodimus was hurt. He knew what Rodimus meant and he knew the younger Prime was right. Once again, assumptions and arrogance on his own part had caused Rodimus pain. (The minor fact that both Rodimus and Lancer had been slowly dying from the separation wouldn't occur to him until later. Even then he wouldn't bring it up. He knew that Rodimus didn't care about that, and it wasn't really the point.) He tried to think of something to say...something to justify or apologize for his actions. Words failed him.

When Optimus did nothing but stare at him, Rodimus snorted, and stormed out, leaving Optimus to wonder how it was possible to behave like you just slammed an automatic door.


End file.
